


Endgame

by Hella_Queer



Category: Free! Eternal Summer - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergent, Dorks in Love, Fluff, Getting Together, I tried to be clever stop reading these tags!, It's not meta or crack don't trust the description, Jeez where do I start, M/M, Smut, but it's sourin so what else is new, i dunno man this took a year
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-21
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-10-21 05:34:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 37,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10678734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hella_Queer/pseuds/Hella_Queer
Summary: Endgame-(as described by Urban Dictionary)Pertaining to a couple you ship on a TV show that you hope ends the series together.—In hindsight, the warning signs had always been there; childhood rivalry, friendships torn apart by distance and time, high school reunions, maid outfits. It was time to face facts: Sousuke was now the main character in the anime.





	Endgame

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BakaPandy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BakaPandy/gifts).



> Holy Christ on a boat this is happening.  
> A year ago TODAY, April 21st 2016, I embarked on a quest to write a birthday fic for the lovely BakaPandy on tumblr disguised as Nach-an (which stands for nachos plz don't ask its lame). What started as a short getting together fic snowballed into what is now the longest one shot I've ever written. Don't ask what the original concept is because I honestly couldn't tell you. But now, it is complete, and I'm gonna go lay down for a while. I hope you all enjoy this, but especially the birthday girl. Happy (extremely late) birthday Pandy-senpai!

*

*

*

It's late one night when the rain starts. 

They're sitting across from each other in the middle of the floor, books and papers spread out around them, a fan propped up in the corner. It's warm, but not yet uncomfortable. The heat makes them drowsy if nothing else, and Sousuke finds himself nodding off when Rin's voice penetrates the silence. 

"I want to take you to Australia."

The words float lazily in the space between them, taking an eternity to reach Sousuke, and a lifetime for them to make sense. His head lolls on his left shoulder as he closes his eyes. 

"Why? You already went with Nanase."

"Because I love you." 

The whirring of the fan is white noise in the otherwise quiet room. Rin picks up his book and continues to read like he didn't just pull the pin from a grenade and toss it into his lap. Sousuke is too out of it to let the disbelief and panic affect him in any way. Not tonight. 

"What?"

"I said, because I want to." Sousuke nods even though he isn't looking, because that makes more sense than a dream coming true late at night on a Wednesday. "I took Haru to knock some sense into him. With you it would be more like a vacation." 

Rin nudges his knee with his foot, insistent until droopy eyes gaze at him pleadingly. They’ve been studying all night and he's reached that threshold where information goes in one ear and out the other. He's totally useless, but Rin's hopeful grin is infectious. 

"Plane tickets don't just fall from the sky, you know." Sousuke begins the slow process of putting away his books, just barely getting them onto his desk without standing up. He doesn't have enough energy for that either. 

Rin kicks him with a little more force, grinning wider. "I'm not suggesting we go right now, idiot. Just that you think about it." Sousuke grunts in acknowledgment as he's finally able to sit down properly again. His books are stacked in a shaky looking pile, but as long as it holds for the night he can fix it later. 

"Imagine it: two best friends finding adventure in a foreign land. Discovering hidden treasure while eating great food and taking a shit ton of pictures."

"I didn't realize you were still ten years old." But the fondness in his voice is clear as day, softening the corner of Rin's eyes until it feels like he's reaching into his chest and wrapping a hand around his heart. Not enough to hurt, just enough for Sousuke to be hyper aware of his every move. 

"So that's a yes?" 

He shakes his head, stretching out numb legs. "It's a maybe. But I get the bottom bunk tonight." 

Rin breathes a laugh that gets mixed into the stale air circulating the room. He rolls his shoulders, moaning softly when the muscles crack with a satisfying sound. "I'll see your bottom bunk, and raise you tonkatsu for lunch tomorrow. My treat." 

Sousuke stops moving, having started the short crawl to reach the bottom bunk. He's right next to Rin now, and that gentle smile of his makes him dizzy with that word he thought he heard earlier. 

"Okay." 

 

 

Swim practice would always be a bittersweet memory for Sousuke. He both found and lost his dream here, and learned to cope with his situation. But even though he could never stand with Rin on the World Stage, he was pretty damn glad that he was kept on the team as a makeshift coach. Not only does he get to help Nitori perfect his form and speed—

"Pick up the pace, men! Half a second can make or break a victory!" 

But he gets to see Rin thrive in his position of power. And watch him move around in those leg skins. He is a man of simple interests, and his roommate is most of them. 

"Yamazaki-senpai!" Momo suddenly appears in his line of sight, blocking his view of Rin's ass as the boy bends slightly to talk with Nitori in the pool. He tries not to scowl openly. "Are you excited for lunch today?" 

He was, actually. Having Rin and tonkatsu in one place for an hour sounded like heaven on earth. But why did Momo seem so happy?

"Why do you ask?" 

Momo bounces on the balls of his feet, wringing his damp swimming cap in his hands. "Because me and Nitori-senpai are coming with you!" 

Sousuke looks over his shoulder at Rin, who shrugs helplessly with a slight frown on his face. Despite being a strict captain, the boy was a huge softy when it came to his former roommate. Momo was simply riding Nitori's coattails, assuming that his silver haired senpai was his partner in crime rather than his reluctant caretaker. Not that Nitori saw it that way, though, accepting the overly affectionate backstroke swimmer as his best friend of sorts. 

_So much for some alone time_ , Sousuke thinks as he and the team journey to the locker room to change. But he was quick to adapt, and Momo was always a good source of entertainment.

"So, our casual lunch has turned into a double date," he says to Rin, loud enough for Momo to hear. The boy freezes in pulling on his shirt, body tilting in their direction. Rin raises an eyebrow at him but catches on soon enough. 

"Sorry about that. When Ai asked for a good place to get food I mentioned where we were going. But we can always request separate tables." Rin's sharp grin makes it hard to stay in character. Most of the team is gone now, and the few second years who remain to speak with Nitori are treated to Momo's disapproving glare. 

Sousuke leans closer with the intention of fixing Rin's shirt. He swallows a laugh when two sets of wide eyes follow his movements. "We can't leave them hanging like that. First dates are always the hardest."

Rin's face turns this cute shade of pink when Sousuke winks at him. Later on, he'll wonder if years of chlorine poisoning have damaged the part of his brain that's supposed to hide his feelings under layers of fistbumps and yelling, but right now Sousuke is happy with his bold decision.

 

 

They end up in a booth nearest the kitchen, Rin and Momo on one side, Nitori and Sousuke on the other.

"Order anything you want, Sou. It's on me." He smiles in the stupid way that makes it hard for Sousuke to talk. He already knows what he wants, but unfortunately it isn't on the menu. It's sitting across from him, bathing in the setting sunlight and making the colors around him fade in comparison. 

"Oh, nooooo!" Momo wails, pulling dramatically at his face. "I left my wallet under my pillow!" 

"Why was it there in the first place?" Sousuke asks, needing a distraction. 

"Nagisachi said that if you put money under your pillow you'll find it in your dreams, which helps you find it in real life." Momo stares forlornly at the table. "But I forgot to grab it on my way out." 

Nitori gives his roommate a reassuring smile. "That's alright, Momo-kun. I'll pay for you." 

Golden eyes glow like holiday lights. "Really? Thank you, Nitori-senpai! I'll pay you back as soon as we're back at school." 

Nitori lifts up his menu and shrugs a shoulder. "Don't worry about it. You can pay for me next time we go out." His tone is nonchalant, but Sousuke can see the red rising in his cheeks. Meanwhile, Momo is as stiff as a board, lips forming the words 'next time' until Rin has to shake him to bring him back to reality. 

The rest of the meal passes without much incident, although Momo nearly has a heart attack when Nitori steals a handful of his fries with a playful giggle. Sousuke ends up lightly kicking Rin's feet as they all chat about nothing, and doesn't think to miss the responding kicks until Rin excuses himself to the bathroom. 

"Hey, Sousuke-senpai?" Nitori's bright eyes gaze up at him curiously. "Do you know what you'll be doing after graduation?"

Nope. No idea. Zero imagination over here. His future goals had been swimming and Rin, but since he had hit a brick wall with that, he found that keeping up with his roommate was getting harder to do. Because Australia was far away, an ocean away, and Sousuke wasn't rich and wasn't part bird so he couldn't fly down there every time he found himself missing his best friend. Which, by the way, would be all the time. 

"Because I was talking with Nagisa and he mentioned that Tachibana-san was going to school to be a swim coach." The great thing about Nitori is that he doesn’t need his audience to respond in order to know they were listening. It saves him time. "It reminded me of how much you've been helping me, you know?" 

Momo nods enthusiastically and hurries to chew so he can speak. "Yeah! You'd make a great coach, Yamazaki-senpai! And once you're finished with school you can manage Rin-senpai, too!" 

As if he were summoned, Rin appears back at the booth, pushing Momo towards the window with his hip. He reaches across the table and nabs Sousuke's last cutlet with his fingers, almost losing some in the process as a fork tries to skewer him. 

"Hey!" Sousuke sends a frustrated pout his way. Rin shrugs with his mouth full. "I'm paying for it." 

When the waiter comes with the bill, Sousuke orders the biggest slice of red velvet cake the place offers. But when he's forced to watch Rin's pink tongue lick away the crumbs on his fork, it's him who has to pay for it instead. 

 

 

The idea of coaching isn't brought up until they're both in bed, lights off with the fan going. Thursday's always make him restless, and as Sousuke struggles to get comfortable in the stuffy room, he wonders what he'd have to wager in order to convince Rin to skip class and sleep in. 

"You've always been good with giving instructions," Rin muses. "And you're patient. Like the time you helped Momo study for his chemistry test." He chuckles, the sound rising like the heat and sending a shiver down Sousuke's spin. 

"But do you think I can do it?" He had been drawing a blank on what to do after high school ever since his dream got crushed into chalk dust. He's been drifting along in this limbo like state, going through the motions while ignoring a rapidly approaching future. Now though? 

"Of course you can do it," Rin scoffs. "The question is do you want to?" 

Did he? Swimming was such an integral part of his life, he couldn't imagine walking away from it completely. But was he ready for the responsibilities that came with being a coach? Could he handle watching others succeed where he had failed?

"Although I gotta admit, it would be pretty cool to have you as like, my personal coach." Rin shifts on the bottom bunk, turning to face the wall like he always does when he's really tired. "We'd be partners again.." He sighs deeply, stretching his long legs and burrowing deeper into his pillow, peacefully unaware of how hard Sousuke's heart is beating. 

"Should talk to Makoto 'bout it," he suggests, drifting off. 

But Sousuke has already decided.

>*<

He doesn't get a chance to talk with Makoto until the following Tuesday after joint practice. All weekend he's been thinking of ways to bring up the subject without being too obvious that his sole focus is their shark toothed friend, but by the time they're all heading to the train station for an impromptu trip to the mall, he's realized that a) it's too late to pretend that he cares about anything else, and b) Makoto is basically his twin in this scenario.

Because in this scenario, Nanase will no doubt be his main priority after university. 

"When did you decide you wanted to coach instead of swim professionally?" They're waiting at the station, clustered in groups to talk amongst themselves. Makoto is standing off to his left, and Rin is to the right and behind about four steps. Not that he counted them of course. 

"At first I was just helping Coach Sasabe. He was short some staff members and needed an extra set of hands." Here his eyes go all soft and sparkly, and Nanase shifts to stand a bit closer out of subconscious habit. "But I loved helping the kids learn to swim. When they came to thank me after the lesson, I truly felt like I had made a difference in their lives." 

Oh, God. This guy really was perfect, wasn't he? Sousuke thought that Rin had been joking when he said Makoto ought to trade in his swimming cap for a halo, but now he could practically see the golden wings extending from his back. 

"Well, do you think I'd be a good coach?" Sousuke immediately regrets asking, since everyone chooses that moment to fall dead silent and all eyes are turning towards him. Rin looks surprised, not sure how committed he was to this. Unaware of how committed Sousuke was to him. 

"I think you'd make a great coach, Sou-chan!" Nagisa latches onto his arm like a baby koala. "Ai-chan's told me all about how he's improved so much because of your expert tutelage." He dips into his 'Rei voice' for a moment, making Sousuke chuckle and ruffle his hair a bit before pushing him off.

Rei stands up a little taller and fixes him with a reassuring smile. "With your knowledge and intimacy with how dangerous overworking oneself can be.." Sousuke nods a little to show he isn't offended. "I believe you possess the skills necessary to do well on the sports and medicine track." 

Coming from a future scientist that was actually pretty good news. 

Their train pulls into the station just as Nanase opens his mouth to speak. Normally, Sousuke would rush off to avoid whatever water-hippy nonsense the freestyle swimmer likes pushing onto others, but he’s in a good mood, and it was rare that the two conversed without snapping at each other. So he waits until the others have passed to give the shorter boy his full attention. 

Nanase eyes him up and down, his expression moving from supreme disapproval to reluctant acceptance. "Be good to him." He glides past in that way that he does, taking a seat next to Makoto and glancing away when the boy beams proudly at him. Sousuke hurries to get inside before the doors close, and only half listens to Rin's rant about safety. He's too busy picking up the pieces of his blown mind. 

Guess that counts as a blessing. 

 

 

Sousuke hates shopping, but in that inconsistent way that no one ever thinks about until they have to. Like, he hates heights, but the thought was only relevant when he saw a picture of an insane roller coaster or his parents mentioned a trip overseas. Similarly, his hatred of shopping only manifested when it was too late to say no. 

"Just try them on!" Rin whines too loudly, shoving a pair of skinny jeans at him while Nagisa tries to push him towards the dressing room. 

They've been here for almost two hours, and everyone has a bag of clothes specifically chosen by Rin. Even Haru, who had simply nodded at the outfit that was shoved into his arms at some weird hipster/Hot Topic love child store that only sold different shades of blue, red and green. Rei had been so overjoyed with his fashionable yet functional outfit that he had allowed Nagisa to buy both shirts he was struggling to decide on. (One was a gothic penguin, the other a heavy metal teddy bear). Makoto was happy with his simple button down and worn out jeans, but he did give into temptation and was now hoarding five beanies that Rin swore he would steal when the other wasn't looking. 

Rin's closet was already full of ridiculous clothes that did nothing but cover his body during the cold times ("You're no fun, Sou-chan!) which meant that he, Sousuke, was the last one on the chopping block. 

Too bad he's as stubborn as a rock.

"If I attempt to put these on, I will end up ripping the fabric, thus, I will be forced to purchase a useless product that I never intended to own in the first place." He uses his best boring and uninterested tone for this, keeping his expression blank. Rin's face scrunches up in annoyance before smoothing out into something passive and relenting and not like Rin at all. 

"Alright. Fine. Whatever." He shoos Nagisa away and pokes him hard in the chest. "But don't come crying to me when we get back to school and none of your clothes fit." 

Delighted with his victory, Sousuke lets his guard down. 

All he sees are two pairs of wide eyes and a barely there smirk before Rin is tackling him back into the dressing room. The backs of his knees hit something squishy and giggling—Nagisa!—and the two go sprawling behind the curtains. He braces himself for the familiar flare of pain, but at the last minute Rin twists them, somewhat violently, so that he bears the brunt of the fall. 

The two lay there, panting for breath until a stack of clothes is tossed in and lands by their heads. Nanase pokes his head in, looking...amused? "We'll be at the food court." He's gone in a flash, leaving them to gather themselves and look presentable. 

But Rin hasn't let him go yet, hands still cradling his shoulder blades. Their faces are inches apart, warm breaths mingling in the space between them. Sousuke never wants to move. 

"Are you okay?" Rin's eyes, so alive with mirth moments before, search his face worriedly. They do their best to not let his injury change their interactions—wrestling and punching and all that good bro stuff—but the tackling has since been absent from their dynamic. On one hand, Sousuke is grateful for the relief, because Rin wasn't exactly the lightest feather on the chicken. On the other hand, having his warm body so close to his, the excuse to pull him towards him seconds before he flung him away, that smile that shone brighter than the sun rendering him speechless, was worth any aches or pains. 

Sousuke presses his forehead to Rin's briefly before sitting up. He misses the warmth of his hands on his shoulders and looks at the pile of clothing as an excuse to hide his flushed face. 

"Let's get this over with, shall we?"

He has faith that this'll be over soon. There's only like, seven items here? They'll be done in no time. 

 

 

"Are we finished yet?"

"Just one more outfit."

"That's what you said four jackets and five t-shirts ago!"'

Sousuke was officially sick of changing rooms and clingy fabric and stupid jeans that he had to dance around in to put on. The others had left nearly an hour ago, giving him looks of pity as Rin dragged him right past the food court on their way to the escalators. (Everyone except for Nanase, who was a smug dolphin asshole who got to eat actual food instead of random peppermints he found in his bag). 

But because Sousuke doesn't have a fucking backbone when it comes to long legs and that damn bright smile, he's allowed himself to be dressed up like a doll without anything to show for it. Well enough is enough! It's time to put his foot down. 

"This is the last one, Rin," Sousuke says to the dark curtains that separate them as he takes the clothes offered to him. "Because I'm starving. And if you're not careful, I'll be eating you."

He tugs his shirt over his head for the fiftieth time that day, barely making sure the tag is on the inside of the one he's supposed to be modeling before pulling it on. It's a long sleeved teal sweater, soft and with enough natural stretch that he isn't worried about the sleeves getting all distorted. The pants this time are simple black jeans, way easier to get into and less detrimental to the blood flow to his ankles. He glances in the mirror for all of two seconds before throwing back the curtain and walking out—

—straight into Rin who was reaching to do the same. His palm ends up on his chest, right above Sousuke's rapidly beating heart. 

There's this moment, where time seems to just...stop. They disappear from the universe to exist in this stand alone simulation; Rin's warm hand preparing to sink into his chest and claim his property, with Sousuke powerless to stop him. He gazes into bright crimson eyes that could turn him to ash at a moment’s notice, and he's never been so ready to burn. 

Then Rin takes a step back, taking the heat with him. Sousuke breathes in deeply through his nose so he doesn't pass out. 

"You have to buy this one," Rin demands. "Or let me buy it for you. You look–

"Like I'm posing for the cover of Country Club Monthly?" Sousuke stretches out his arms, shooting him a stupid grin as he flexes. He's completely aware of how dumb he looks, but Rin has always brought out his playful side. 

"I was gonna say hot." 

Sousuke clamps down on the blush that threatens to ruin him and instead reaches out to flick Rin in the middle of his forehead. He can't handle this right now, not when those eyes are peeling away the fabric and leaving him utterly exposed in ways he's absolutely not prepared for. Not in public at least. 

"You know what's even hotter?" He backs away behind the curtain again, biting his lip when Rin steps forward as if to follow. "The giant slice of pizza you're about to get me."

This seems to get Rin's attention, if the dramatic sigh he gives is any indication. "Fine fine. Guess I _have_ kept you prisoner long enough."

Sousuke doesn't move until he's certain Rin is gone. Then he's quickly but carefully changing into his regular clothes, a look of indecision on his face. He has enough cash to buy the outfit, and that leather jacket he made fun of earlier to hide the fact that he was kinda–sorta definitely going to get it. And Rin was the one pestering him to buy more clothes, right? So what if the ones he wanted were the ones he looked 'hot' in. That was an objective opinion and in no way fueled his decisions. 

Wow. He couldn't even lie to himself anymore.

>*<

The rest of September and most of October pass by in a flurry of school work, volunteer work, English lessons and college applications. He has a limited timeframe to work out this new dream of his, and Sousuke has never been one to do things halfway.

Sasabe-san is understanding and even has some good advice when he's not talking about the Iwatobi boys. He offers to write him any letters of recommendation he might need, which fills him with distracting emotions that override his stoic outward appearance anytime he shows up at the swim club. The kids warm up to him quickly enough, especially after he lets it slip that he's friends with Big Brother Makoto. 

Hiring a tutor was too expensive in the long run, since he was supposed to be broke in the eyes of his best friend, rather than spending all his free time working any odd jobs that were willing to pay him. Rin was more than happy to catch him up on all the English that he knew. Sousuke's favorite phrases so far were "You look beautiful" and "Kiss me, please." He springs them on Rin in public, where everyone can watch him blush and snarl without knowing what was said. 

The college applications are a little trickier to navigate. Rin believes that he _must_ complete his first year in Tokyo, alongside Makoto who helps him fill out the paperwork and gives him words of encouragement. Nanase on the other hand is a lot smarter than he looks. He shows up one day during joint practice with a folder full of applications to universities close to where Rin will be training. Having been there not too long ago, he's the best source for information besides Rin himself. It's a little odd, working together behind the backs of their best friends, but he's got a schedule to keep and can't afford to get off track now. 

What this all boils down to is less time spent with Rin, which is the complete opposite of what he wants right now. The intimacy of their shopping trip has been all but forgotten, and now they're back to square one. Sousuke feels personally betrayed by every slice of life anime he has been forced to watch, since the two main characters would be married with kids by now. But he has a plan. A plan so perfect and incredible that even he can't fuck it up. 

 

 

Sousuke returns to their room approximately fifteen minutes after Rin finishes his shower. He's sprawled across the bottom bunk, limbs akimbo, with his eyes closed and earbuds blocking out the rest of the world. He looks far too good like this; hair splayed out over his pillow, legs clad in loose jogging pants, bare chest still glistening with a few stray drops of water. Sousuke is surprised they haven't evaporated yet, what with how hot Rin is. 

Chuckling to himself, Sousuke walks over to the bed and climbs over Rin, debating where to position himself before resting his head on his chest and fitting his hips in between his legs. It's quiet as he holds his breath, listening to the faint sounds coming from the earbuds. Eventually, long fingers land on top of his head; they thread themselves in his hair before pulling to the side. Sousuke glances up at him innocently, relishing in the faint blush on his face. 

"What?”

"Guess what I bought."

Rin tries to shift him off, but Sousuke only slides up higher so that their faces are closer together. "Gum? Or some breath mints, hopefully." 

His grin widens. Slowly, he reaches into his back pocket, eyes on Rin's face the entire time. He pulls out two white rectangles, dangles them in his face before Rin snatches them away to get a better look. Sousuke sits up so that he's straddling his waist instead, fully aware of the implications such a position makes. His nerves are too fried to care. 

"No way," Rin breathes, still staring at the tickets. "No fucking way did you get these. No way!" His disbelief turns to excitement as he sits up. They're hunched together with the bed looming overhead, but Rin still pushes at his chest, a childlike brightness in his eyes that brings out Sousuke's own grin. 

"It's the last showing and I figured you'd kill me if we didn’t go," Sousuke says with a shrug. His hands rest lightly on Rin's waist, mostly to keep them from shaking. Mostly. 

"Um, duh? How could we miss **_Killer Zombie Cheerleaders?_** That's like, our thing!" Rin leans forward lightning quick and snaps at his nose with his sharp teeth. Sousuke leans back with a bark of laughter, grabbing his shoulders and pinning him down again. Rin goes willingly, kicking the back of his calf for good measure. 

**_Killer Zombie Cheerleaders_** was, in fact, their thing. They first saw the movie when they were ten, and got in a big heap of trouble when Matsuoka-san found out about it. The movie was probably the worst thing ever made, but since then it had been an unspoken tradition to watch it during October. Sousuke had kept up with it even after Rin left, because it made the distance between them feel smaller. 

Now they're pretty damn close, what with Sousuke being on top of him like this. Rin still hasn't pushed him off. In fact, he's... 

"So." He's on top of Sousuke now, one hand holding up the tickets, the other against his chest for balance. 

"So?" _thump-a thump-a thump_

"Soooo.” Rin laughs, and is suddenly very close to his face. Sousuke's eyes slip down to his lips for a nanosecond, and a sharp grin sends a shiver down his spine before he forces himself to look up into the sun. 

"You gonna ask me to be your date or what?" 

 

 

Today was going to be positively amazing. 

"Brother! Sousuke-kun! Over here!" 

Then it took a hard left at Anticipation Avenue and went straight down to AreYouFuckingKiddingMe Boulevard. 

The harsh reality is that Sousuke only has himself to blame. All day he's been floating on cloud nine, envisioning his date. His first date. With Rin. He couldn't even think about it in one sentence because his brain was incapable of handling such delicate information. In math, he calculated how many times he could get away with brushing the back of Rin's hand before grabbing it. (Four). History took a backseat to a very important debate about where he should put his arm: waist or shoulders? And he honestly couldn't say if he made it to English or not, because he caught sight of Rin in the hallway and things get fuzzy after that. 

But he should've known, especially now, that the better something appears to be, the bigger the letdown. Right now it's the sight of Gou and the old Samezuka swim club captain. 

His arm slips down from Rin's waist as the shorter boy goes to embrace his sister. Sousuke stands off to the side and nods at Mikoshiba, trying not to frown at his pseudo baby sister. He loves Gou, would jump in front of a speeding train for her, but right now he wants to be selfish and keep Rin to himself. 

"Are you guys here to see KZC too?" Mikoshiba asks, a big grin on his face. "I've been waiting all month for this. They show it every year, and I finally convinced Gou-kun to see it with me!" 

Gou rolls her eyes as she attaches herself to Sousuke's midsection. He pets her head perhaps a little too hard, because she looks up at him with a perplexed expression. He offers up a small smile, unsure of how this is supposed to play out. His entire agenda for the evening has just been flushed down the toilet, and he doesn't have a backup. 

"Why don't you guys scope out some seats while we grab some food." Rin is not so subtly nudging him towards the concession stand. 

"Okay! Get me a medium popcorn, please!”

Sousuke watches them until they disappear behind the corner, then heaves a huge sigh that blows back Rin's bangs. "This is not how I wanted the night to go.”

Rin chuckles. "There's always next time. Now c'mon, I wanna get nachos while they're still being made." He makes a face that is nothing short of absolute disgust. "Stale nachos should be illegal."

And Sousuke lets himself be pulled by the wrist like a child, his mind too focused on the prospect of next time. 

 

 

"What the fuck is that?" 

"A hotdog?"

"Oh, really? Cause I'm pretty sure that's just a bun filled with mustard."

Sigh. "C'mon, Rin.”

"No, no, it's fine. I'm your best friend. I won't judge you for your disgusting eating habits."

"Your vendetta against mustard shouldn't affect us like this."

"I have nothing against mustard, Sousuke. I just feel bad for the poor, traumatized worker who sold you a hotdog bun without a hotdog, then watched you fill said hotdog-less bun with an obscene amount of mustard." 

"Well, what about you?"

"What about me?"

"That gigantic bucket in your arms!”

"This is a completely legal amount of kettle corn and I refuse to discuss it further."

"You're mixing kettle corn with spicy nachos."

"So?”

"So don't expect me to be kissing you anytime soon."

"Ha! As if I'm the one dying from lack of kissing. I saw how you looked at me earlier, Yamazaki."

"How did I look at you?"

"Like you wanted to kiss me." 

"...."

"......"

"This...this is a lot of mustard, isn't it?"

"Yeah."

"I should probably buy another one and even things out."

"Or, you give that one to Mikoshiba and we can share my nachos."

"Sounds fair enough."

"Good."

"...."

"......"

"You were right by the way."

"About what?"

"I do want to kiss you."

"....."

"A lot."

"......"

"All the time actually."

".........."

"Rin? You okay?"

"...Idiot."

 

 

Sousuke keeps his focus on Rin's flushed face so he won't think about the items in his arms that are balanced precariously. His drink is cradled in the crook of his elbow, and his own popcorn bucket is hovering on his chest above the box containing a bunch of candy he'll regret buying later. He feels like an inverted turtle, his burden on his front rather than his back. 

Thankfully Gou spots them as they enter the theater and rushes over to help. Sousuke resists the urge to sigh in frustration when he sees that she and Mikoshiba have taken seats near the front. He and Rin always sit in the very back when they go to the cinema. The front was for people who actually focused on the movie without talking, and the middle was for real horror movies. _**Killer Zombie Cheerleaders**_ was terrifying, but not in a good horror movie way. 

He sees Rin pawning off his overloaded hotdog right as the lights go dim. He makes to sit down, but Rin bodily moves him out of the aisle and towards the stairs. Gou raises an eyebrow, to which he shrugs, all while his heart attempts to jump out of his chest. When they reach the very last row, which is blissfully empty, he moves without prompt to a seat in the middle. Rin settles in beside him and sighs contently as he's finally able to put his stuff down. 

Sousuke just looks at him for a minute, a light smile on his face. Rin glances at him, probably feeling his intense gaze on the side of his face. He nudges Sousuke's knee with his own, hiding his own grin with a nacho. 

"It's tradition," he mumbles, and something inside of Sousuke melts a little. He wants so badly to do something cute—because Rin is too freaking adorable right now—but his phone buzzes in his pocket just as the reminder to turn off cellular devices comes up on the screen. 

He glances at his lock screen and finds a message from Gou. 

 

**Gou (8:25)** Have fun on your date, Sousuke-kun. But not too much fun! :p

 

His face feels like it catches on fire. He shoves his phone deep inside of his pocket after turning it off, jumps a little when Rin's knee hits his again. The younger boy is looking up at him with a strange expression, one that's hard to make out when all the light has been sucked from the room. Sousuke nudges him back because he has no idea what else he is meant to do, but it pacifies Rin who turns his attention back to the big screen. 

The movie is just as cheesy and overdramatic as he remembers. The general plot was simple: the lake of a cheer camp gets polluted and turns the girls who swim in it into flesh seeking, cartwheeling zombies. The only girl who isn't infected is Julie, who had to stay behind at home due to bad grades. Unlike traditional zombie flicks, this one had that slow burn effect, since the zombification wasn't instant. High school life goes on like normal as, one by one, students start going missing, only to show up later as walking corpses. 

The logic is as thin as a wet paper-towel, and the close up shaky cam makes him dizzy, but Sousuke finds himself laughing along with Rin the whole time. At one point, a basketball player named Rick—the love interest—slips in a pile of guts and goes sliding down the hallway for a scene that lasts four minutes. 

Rin almost slips out of his seat he's laughing so hard. Sousuke wraps his arm around Rin's shoulders to help him up, and after he's calmed himself down he doesn't push him away. So he leaves the arm there and after a few minutes Rin is moving closer and resting his head on his chest. Sousuke doesn't let himself think as he grabs a piece of kettle corn and brings it up to Rin's mouth. Soft, pink lips tickle the tips of his fingers as Rin accepts the offered treat. 

The movie plays on in the background of Sousuke's mind. He's so focused on feeding Rin—who licks his lips after every fifth piece or so in the most distracting way—that he doesn't realize the movie has ended until the overhead lights are blinding him. 

He comes crashing back down to reality and hates every second it takes for Rin to put some distance between them. He doesn't want to look at him, doesn't want to see the embarrassment, or worse, regret in his eyes. But then a knee is nudging his and Rin is close again, his chin on his shoulder as they both watch Gou and Mikoshiba leave the theatre, the former sending a bright smile their way. 

"Let's go to the beach." 

 

 

The night air bringing in the smell of the ocean, the sand soft between their toes, the warmth of Rin's hand in his as they slowly make their way down the beach; all of this takes Sousuke back to that magical dimension where only he and Rin exist. And it's easy to do when the ocean is clear of boats and the stars shine like little spotlights.

"How long?" Rin asks, voice quiet beneath the soft crash of the waves. He shivers when a cool breeze rolls over them and Sousuke is shrugging off his new leather jacket and draping it around his shoulders before his brain can catch up to his actions. 

"Since I learned how dull my life gets when you aren't in it." Sousuke's hands tremble, but his voice is steady and calm. Every second he spends looking into Rin's eyes, more of his defenses fall, until he feels raw and exposed. "Since I saw you in class that first morning and all of my self-control was tested. Hell, when we were kids and you beat me at janken to win that ice pop.”

Rin is looking at his face but Sousuke can tell that he isn't seeing him. He's going back through the years in his head and retracing the steps. Sousuke dares to step closer and cups his cheek with numb fingers. He feels stiff from nerves, but Rin covers his hand with his own, and this time he really sees him. 

"You know how when you put a blanket in the dryer, and for like an hour afterwards life is kinda perfect?" 

"Yeah." Rin leans into his touch, blinking slowly like a cat. Sousuke gently strokes his cheek, getting lost in the brightness of his eyes that call to him like a lighthouse does a ship. 

"Being with you is a lot like that."

>*<

The cold weather always brought out Sousuke's worst attitude. He didn't like being cold, and he hated bundling up because he got too hot when he went indoors. That's why autumn was his favorite season: light jackets and beanies while basking under the warm sunlight. Last year he would have grumbled to himself and refused to leave the dorm room, insisting that if their teachers cared so much about his attendance they would drag his comfy ass out of bed.

Now though?

"Remove your icicles from my body," Rin hisses for what was probably the fifth time this week alone. Sousuke hums in acknowledgment to his words as his feet travel higher up Rin's calves to the warm spot he loves. 

"Wouldn't be so cold if someone didn't pull the blanket over their head during the night."

"If you're so damn cold then go to your own bed."

Sousuke looks down at his chest; Rin is clinging to his waist, head nuzzled contently against his collarbone. Ever since they started sharing a bed, he's claimed Sousuke's torso as his personal pillow. What a hypocrite. 

"Fine. But you'll have to get off of me so I can move." 

Rin pauses to take this into account, then sighs heavily like he always does when Sousuke calls his bluff. "Just hurry up and get warm. I don't want my legs catching your hypothermia." 

Sousuke hides his laugh in soft red hair and holds him a little tighter, relishing in the peace and quiet that he knows won't last. Their relationship hasn't been the only one to undergo some changes, and if he knows his kouhais, then any second now Ai or Momo will be pounding at their door shouting that they need help or advice. Or they'll be bombarded with pleas to go on another double date. It was kind of cute in a way, not that he would ever tell them that. 

Until then, Sousuke focuses on getting warm.

 

 

"Did you take your pain medication yet?" 

Sousuke picks the wrong moment to wince as he pulls on his shirt. "Ah, no." (See, this is why he hated uniforms. If he could wear casual clothing all the time, then he wouldn't need to change out of his blazer and then the undershirt, just to put on another shirt and a jacket. So stupid.)

Rin shoots him a glare as he picks up the pill bottle on his desk. "Take this. I'm gonna tell Ai that we can't make it tonight."

Sousuke grabs at his arm before he can leave, wincing again. "It's just the arcade, Rin. It's not like I'll be lifting fifty pound weights or something." 

"Do you know what goes on at arcades?"

"... Is this a trick question?" 

Rin huffs and moves away from him, arms gesticulating wildly as he paces back and forth. "Air hockey, laser tag, skee ball, basketball, mini golf." He jabs a finger in his chest. "All things that require excessive shoulder movements. You're one swing away from being amputated."

_It's cute how worked up he gets_ , Sousuke thinks. He gently takes hold of Rin's wrist and kisses his index finger. "Are you done? Or did you want to act out how I'll collapse trying to lift a cup to my mouth?" 

Rin pouts and looks away, lets himself be drawn into a hug. "I'm worried, alright? You're stubborn and don't know how to take things easy when you need to." He gently bonks his forehead against his good shoulder. "I'll look away for two seconds and you'll try to lift a table over your head just because someone said you couldn't."

"Well I do have two arms."

"Sousuke!"

He chuckles and kisses Rin's temple. "Kidding. Look, I'll take my medication and I promise not to lift any tables. Sound good?" 

Rin tilts his face up a bit and blinks twice without saying a word. Sousuke shakes his head, amused, before planting a chaste kiss on the corner of his mouth. He grins when he gets one right back. 

"I accept these terms," Rin says. "But if you really do collapse during mini golf don't expect me to carry your heavy ass." 

Which, you know, is pretty fair in his eyes.

 

 

They were anticipating a fun little outing with Team Awkward Hand Holding—because Ai and Momo had different techniques and zero communication beforehand—and a night of spilled tokens and burnt pizza smell. But Sousuke has gotten wise over the past few months, so he was ready for any little surprises the night was gonna throw at him. 

Literally. 

"Rin-chan! Sou-chan! I didn't know you were gonna be here." Nagisa's feet don't touch the ground as he dangles in Sousuke's arms. The blond had an amazing jumping span, but looked breakable as hell, so when he launched himself in their direction it seemed wrong to just let him drop like a sack of hammers. 

Rei stands off to the side looking half concerned, half confused, and half grateful for the save. "Yes, this is certainly a nice surprise." He smiles at Rin who smiles back and pulls him into a side hug. Ai and Momo are still trying to figure out if they should link fingers or go with the simple palm-cup, but they look pretty happy to be here, too. 

Sousuke looks down at Nagisa who's just hanging onto him like he's a tree and not a human being who might've taken more pain medication than was recommended. Not a scarily high dosage, but enough to feel warm and loose when all it usually did was make him a little drowsy. 

"What are we doing first?" His mouth asks as Nagisa wiggles back to the ground. Rei pulls out his phone and taps a few things before reading off his notes. 

"We're starting with an air hockey tournament. Though now that we have six people instead of four I'll need to change the arrangement.." He frowns just a bit as he fixes whatever needs to be fixed before continuing. "Then the losers from that will buy tokens for the group. We proceed to the arcade until all the tokens are gone, but if you wish to purchase more that is acceptable." Nagisa rests his forehead on his boyfriend's shoulder, grinning up at him. "Once we're done with the arcade we'll break for lunch, then wander around for a bit to look at other games or grab small snacks."

Rei adjusts his glasses and gives everyone a satisfied smile. "At eleven we meet back here for the last round of laser tag." He scans their faces for any signs of confusion or disagreement. Sousuke finds himself nodding long after he's stopped talking. 

"If there are no questions then—"

"Let's do this thang!" Nagisa punches his fist in the air before taking off, Momo and a stumbling Ai right on his heels. Rei follows at a more leisurely pace, having grown accustomed to his boyfriend's enthusiasm. 

Sousuke starts to follow but Rin holds him back with a gentle hand on his arm. He turns to face him and is caught off guard by how smooth his skin is. Like, it's so pale but a little tan and it's polished but soft and he wants to touch. Wants to nuzzle their cheeks together and rub his knuckles over the skin of his neck. 

"You okay? I know your meds make you tired." 

There's a little crease in between his eyebrows that Sousuke reaches up to smooth away. His Rin shouldn't frown, not when his skin was so soft and his hair smelled so good. 

"Sousuke?" 

"That's me."

"Shit." 

 

 

In the end their party of six turns into a party of five, plus a six foot hazy, wobbly idiot who's head over heels for Rin. Which isn't any different from how he usually is, but he's a lot less reserved when he's doped up on pain medication. 

The responsible thing to do would be to take him back to the dorms and make him go to bed, but as soon as Rin decides to do that, Sousuke bounces back with amazing bouts of clarity. He'll be spacey one minute and trash talking the next, and Rin finds it hard to keep up. So instead, he sticks close to his boyfriend (the word still gives him butterflies) and tries to keep him mostly coherent. 

"What do you wanna play first?" Rin shakes the little cup filled with tokens, hoping the sound will keep Sousuke from checking out on him. 

"Motorcycle." 

At least he isn't sitting on the floor anymore.

Rin guides them over to the driving games and feels a strong wave of nostalgia as he sees a bunch of kids crowding around one machine, cheering their friend on as he struggles to reach the pedals and also see over the steering wheel. That had been him once upon a time, and Sousuke was always quick to tease him about how short he was. But then the idiot would insist on pushing the pedals with his hands so Rin could drive without too much trouble. 

He looks over at the man his best friend grew up to be, straddling a pretend monocycle and weaving in and out of pretend traffic, a look of complete determination on his face. His eyes are a little fuzzy around the edges, but he's leaning into turns and hitting ramps like he was born to ride. It's equal parts hilarious and endearing. 

He steps closer, trying to get a better look at the screen, and just like that Sousuke crashes into the back of a truck, his full attention on Rin. He blinks twice before a soft grin makes its way onto his normally serious face. 

"Hey," he says, reaching out to grab his hand. Rin has to push him back onto the bike when he starts to fall off. "Missed you." 

Rin snorts but let's his hand be examined, keeping his other one on his shoulder as a stabilizer. "I've been two feet away this entire time."

"Too far," Sousuke mumbles absently. He brings Rin's hand up to his face, and after a moment of deliberation, presses a lingering kiss to his palm. His lips are chapped but warm, and Rin uses all of his collective brain power to not catch on fire. The droopy eyed idiot just gazes at him like he's the freaking sun and Rin has no idea how to handle this and—

"Rin-chan! We're about to get foooood!" 

—and just like that, Nagisa becomes his favorite person. 

 

 

Pizza was not a complicated food. Along with burgers, popcorn and bread sticks, it was probably the easiest thing in the world to eat. Fun too, depending on what kind you got. But it is _not_ fun, and it is _not_ easy when your boyfriend keeps trying to kiss you during the meal! Don't get him wrong; Rin loves kissing Sousuke. It's one of his favorite things after swimming and sleeping in, but he needs to eat, and it was getting progressively more difficult. 

Rin tries once again to grab his rapidly cooling pizza slice, but a large hand curls around his fingers, much like a cat wanting attention would touch its owner's arm. He switches tactics and uses his other hand, but he's pulled into a solid chest and the food is now just out of reach. The worst part isn't that he's slowly dying of hunger, but that his so called friends are laughing at his misfortune while filling their bellies like a bunch of selfish assholes. 

Then there's Sousuke, who kisses his forehead and temples and cheeks, wearing that small smile that dissolves all of Rin's anger. He just looks so...cute. Like a little puppy, or a playful kitten. Honestly the animal comparisons could go on all night, but unfortunately Rin isn’t going to survive for too much longer if he doesn't eat. It’s time to change game plans. 

Rin ducks his head so that Sousuke can't see his face, and uses his free hand to wipe under his dry eyes. He adds in a sniffle to gain his attention. In his peripheral vision he can see Nagisa nodding approvingly, while Rei looks mildly disappointed, so he knows he's doing this right. 

"Rin?" The concern in that one word alone almost makes him abandon his plan entirely, but a mighty growl from his stomach strengthens his resolve. 

"Hungry," Rin whimpers, blinking fast and turning his face away even more. "Hungry, Sou." Throughout the course of the night the group had discovered that Sousuke responded to short answers best; mostly a few words with a break in between. It felt a lot like being Frankenstein's monster. 

Sousuke looks frantically around the table at all the empty plates and drained cups, until he spots a large slice of pizza and a nearly full bottle of cola. He sighs internally and nudges Rin towards the food, gently patting his head to get him to look up. Rin gazes at the plate, then up at him, face scrunched up and eyes tearing up. (He pinched himself really hard to get those tears to come.)

"Sou.."

"Eat."

And he does, sharing a victorious grin with Nagisa. Momo seems to be mildly impressed, probably having used similar tactics on his older siblings. Ai watches Sousuke a bit warily, unsure of his senpai's next move as the oblivious caretaker. And Rei...still looks disappointed. Rin gives him a shrug and continues to stuff his face. 

"So are we still doing laser tag?" Ai asks, looking at his watch. It was nearing eleven, and if they wanted to play then they needed to sign up and—

_Thunk!_

Rin winces as his boyfriend face plants the table, gone from this plane of existence with nothing more than a quiet snore. 

"Never mind." 

 

 

The first thing he registers is the awful taste in his mouth, followed by the splitting headache that protrudes from the center of his forehead. He doesn't want to move, let alone think, but his current horizontal position is a far cry from the vertical one he was in the last time his eyes were open. 

"Am I dead?" 

He can't say for sure if he was expecting an answer or not, but the warm hand that cradles his cheek is familiar and comforting. He nuzzles into the touch, being careful not to move too quickly. 

"Nope," Rin sighs, kneeling on the bed next to him, "just an idiot who overdid his meds and then gave himself a concussion." 

_Who I then had to half carry—half drag to the bus stop because you refused to do more than clumsily paw at my chest and whine about how cold it was._

Rin has this whole, long winded lecture about responsible legal drug use raring to go, along with photo evidence of his boyfriend being the equivalent of an affectionate zombie. But when Sousuke finally cracks his eyes open, he stares at him with an expression he's never quite seen before. His mouth is set in a little frown, but his eyes are warm and filled with adoration. And maybe something else, something stronger. 

"Thank you for taking care of me, Rin." He punctuates his statement with another anger melting kiss, this time placed on the inside of his wrist. "I'm sorry I caused so much trouble. I promise to make it up to you." 

His smile is boyish and sincere, and suddenly Rin is eleven years old again, doing anything he can to bring about this glorious expression. He shakes his head as he goes to grab a bottle of water, contemplating whether or not to fill Sousuke in on the night's events when a soft snore sounds up behind him. He almost wants to laugh, because the poor guy is angled towards Rin, like he fell asleep watching him move about the room. The thought makes him blush. 

"This big idiot," he sighs to no one, carefully arranging him so that he won't wake up in any more pain than he had to. A sore neck was no joke, especially since Rin would be handling all of his medicine consumption from now on, and he was not about to hand over any more pain killers. 

After turning out the lights and setting the bottled water on the floor next to the bed, Rin crawls over his dozing idiot and curls into his side. He holds him for awhile, thinking back to the many kisses and pets he's received during the night. He wonders if Sousuke wants to do cute stuff like that all the time, or if it had just been a side effect of the meds. He certainly wouldn't mind sober kisses, nor is he opposed to hand holding, and he supposes that cuddling in public wouldn't kill him. In fact? 

Making things official sounds pretty nice.

>*<

The day Yamazaki Sousuke and Nanase Haruka go to lunch together is not, in fact, plagued by hellfire and acid rain. Despite the late November chill, the sun tries it's best to shine down on them as they travel from the train station to the little cafe Sousuke had come across last time he took a trip into town. It was located far enough away from school that he wasn't worried about seeing any familiar faces. Not that he was hiding from anyone. Not really, anyway.

See, here's the thing: Sousuke has terrible decision making skills. Up until very, very recently, most of his actions had been reactions to other people. Be it Rin leaving or the infamous relay, or even his parents' hope that spending a bunch of money on physical therapy would put him back on the path of professional swimming. And back on the lucrative payroll that such a job would give him. The Yamazaki family wasn't poor, but many paychecks have been spent on their son, and he felt guilty about most of it going to waste. So, now that his new dream is less of a dream and more of a goal, he needs help planning it out. 

"Is it weird that all three letters arrived on the same day?" Said letters remain unopened and on the far side of the table, away from their sandwiches and smoothies. Let the record show that Haru was a blueberry kind of person, while Sousuke preferred a strawberry-banana blend. 

"Makoto's acceptance letter arrived fairly quickly," Haru comments. "I don't know anything about the Australian postal service." 

Neither did he for that matter. Sousuke never liked talking to Rin about his time overseas. Mostly because it reminded him of their time apart, and he wasn't interested in thoughts of separation, not when he just got him back. But because of this he has no idea if receiving a letter so soon spells good or bad news. 

Sousuke starts tearing his napkin into strips as he tries to calm down. Everything was still up in the air as of right now. This life changing moment could, in theory, never happen as long as the contents of those envelopes remain a mystery. Maybe if he waits long enough, Ryugazaki will invent a time machine and he can go back to stop his younger self from fucking up his shoulder and sending him into this downward spiral. Maybe then he can have Rin to himself and keep him from ever doubting his abilities. Maybe—

"Why did you apply to only one school in Australia?" 

Haru holds up his letters looking incredibly unimpressed. He doesn't react when Sousuke snatches them away, but his resting bitch face says more than his words ever could. 

"University is expensive, let alone one in a different country." He feels a little offended as Haru nonchalantly sips on his straw, as if things like money and airfare were beneath him. Must be great not having to worry about your incredible future. Mr. Athletic Scholarship was on his way to a gold medal, while Sousuke was on the fast track to working at the swim club for the rest of his life. 

"At least pretend to not be bitter, Yamazaki."

"Fuck you, Nanase." 

Their friendship was a strange one, fueled by insults, backhanded compliments, and the occasional flick to the nose. They fought like normal people breathed, and the use of first names did nothing to deter their bickering. But just like Nagisa couldn't survive without sweets, the two of them wouldn't be able to function without dragging the other through the mud. It's just how they worked. 

"If you don't open them, I will."

"You sure that's not too much effort for you?" 

"You're being incredibly childish about this."

"I know you are, but what am I?"

"Single and unemployed." 

"Only one of those is correct." 

It's another fifteen minutes before any progress is made. Sousuke obnoxiously drinks his smoothie, slurping when he reaches the bottom of the glass. Haru rolls his napkin strips into little balls and arranges them into shapes. Their waitress comes by, clears the table, senses the odd vibe, and leaves the bill without saying a word. It feels like half an hour before either of them make a move. 

"If I pay for lunch will you just get this over with?" Haru sighs quietly, feeling equal parts irritated and sympathetic. He knew Sousuke was going through a rapid change right now. He couldn't imagine not being able to swim, professional or otherwise, and to think that he might never be able to do it again...

That's why he was trying to help him choose the right university. From what Makoto had told him, the sports and medicine track was a rigorous one. If Sousuke wasn't one hundred percent on board, then he would be eaten alive, no matter where he ended up. Since the big dope was still insisting on keeping this a secret from Rin, it was up to Haru to make sure he kept his head on straight. A straining and daunting task that he better be rewarded for later. 

Sporting the biggest pout Haru has ever seen, Sousuke reaches out and grabs the first envelope. He examines the outside, turns it over in his hands a few times as if weighing the contents. Haru presses his lips together and tries very hard not to interrupt, knowing that if Sousuke stopped now they'd be stuck in this cafe for another hour. Although he does send a kick his way when he holds the envelope up to the light. They didn't have all day! 

Finally, _finally_ , Sousuke tears open the side of the envelope and shakes out a folded piece of paper. He unfolds it carefully, a delicate bomb that could explode in his face if he moves too quick. He reads over the words, then again a second time before refolding the paper and sliding it back inside the envelope. Then he puts it down and closes his eyes. 

Haru waits. 

He waits as Sousuke repeats the process, this time with the letter from Makoto's school. Again he reads it twice, puts it back together, then closes his eyes. At this point Haru starts to become impatient, disapproving of the dramatics, but even he sits up a little straighter when the letter from Australian is given the same treatment as the others. And just like with the others, Sousuke has his damn eyes closed! 

"I got in." 

The words bring Haru's inner rant to a screeching halt. His gaze travels over Sousuke's face before meeting his stunned eyes, and something like pride fills his chest. 

"That's good," he says slowly, suddenly wary of how pale his companion is. "Which one were you accepted to?" 

Sousuke sways in his seat and has to put his head down on the table. Haru truly begins to worry about his wellbeing. 

"All of them." 

_Oh_

"Oh," he says aloud. 

Well, this certainly changes things. 

 

 

Being the tall friend was fun. 

Being able to see over massive crowds was great, as was the ability to always win a game of keep-away. Unless you were playing with Nagisa who fights dirty; the little devil always went for the kneecaps. Besides that, though, being so high up was incredible. Kite stuck in a tree? No problem. Need help hanging a poster or changing a lightbulb? Have no fear, Tree Man was only a call away. But perhaps the best use of his vertical advantage occurs when Sousuke goes grocery shopping with Haru. 

Their suspenseful cafe trip had left them with more branching paths than a choose your own adventure book, and neither of them were ready to map out a five year future in one afternoon. When Haru mentioned that he needed food to make dinner, Sousuke jumped on the chance to avoid his responsibilities, and insisted that he tag along. Haru was incredibly amused by his eagerness, but shrugged and told him that he could care less about what he did with his time. That had been half an hour ago. 

Now? He cared a lot. 

Haru wasn't huge, but he wasn't tiny either. He was quiet but that was never a problem when he had Makoto by his side, acting as his translator and keeping away overly helpful employees. And when they did get cornered, Makoto would fight them off with a smile and a head tilt, and Haru was always grateful for his kind nature and people skills. But Sousuke has his fair share of useful skills, too. 

"What about that guy?" 

Haru looks up from his cart and glances down the aisle. 

"The one having a breakdown over soup?"

"No, no, the one farther down. The douchebag on his phone." 

"The one ignoring those two kids pulling on his shirt?"

"Yeah."

Haru purses his lips just a little, calculating the pros and cons of acting against this subject. After determining that there are no downsides, he nods. 

It was no secret that Haru wasn't a people person. He disliked attention but would tolerate it if he had to. People were just too...difficult. They had differing opinions and loud ideas and always seemed to want to be the brightest star in the sky. He was all for others achieving greatness and being noticed for their talents and all that good stuff, but there were some individuals that needed a good ass kicking. Sadly, he was not the one to deliver justice bringing roundhouses, but that didn't mean he couldn't watch when a little karma was served. 

For his part, Sousuke does a great job of acting completely self involved. He stops a few paces away from the oblivious man and his children, picks up a random box of some health bar and pretends to read the nutrition facts. He wonders just how long he's supposed to wait to strike, already itching to throw down with this man who's at least fifteen years older than him and a head shorter, when said opening appears in the form of an exasperated wife. 

"I thought you promised not to answer any office calls today."

"Hold on a sec—I can't just ignore work."

"But you can ignore your family?" 

"I said hold on!—Look, can we not do this right now?" 

One of his kids—a little girl with pigtails—tugs on the sleeve of his shirt, a professional pout in place. "Papa! Papa I want that one." She points at a box that depicts a bowl filled with pastel colored marshmallows. Distracted and juggling two conversations, the man tries and fails to reach the box. He huffs, irritated, then side eyes his wife who has by this point picked up the little boy. 

"It's a little pricy, sweetheart. Pick out a different one." 

The pout has increased to big, watery eyes coupled with a lip quiver. This kid had some serious skills. "But you promised! You said I could get whichever one I wanted and I want that one!" 

Chaos slowly descends upon the aisle. The little boy, seeing his sister's distress, begins to cry. Meanwhile the man has abandoned his call—but hasn't hung up—and tries to wrangle his wife into being bad cop and denying their daughter of a reasonably priced cereal that's just a little bit out of his reach. 

Time to strike. 

Sousuke reaches the family in three strides; he grabs the cereal box without even standing on his toes. He makes sure to smile reassuringly to the mother before crouching on one knee and presenting the box to the little girl. She takes it hesitantly, her hands appearing incredibly small next to his massive ones. 

"I can buy this for you," he says kindly, smiling gently. Another glance up at the mother, who already looks close to appreciative tears. "As long as it's alright with your parents." 

"That won't be nece–"

"Really?!" She's missing her two front teeth, but her grin is not diminished by any means. 

Sousuke chuckles and stands up as he fishes for his wallet. The father has the grumpiest expression right now and it's so hard not to laugh, but somehow he manages. He doesn't get another chance to refuse the offer because the little girl holds the box close to her chest and drags Sousuke over to the checkout line, her mother and brother following. 

As they stand in line, little Maru-chan entertains him with tales about her classmates and her plans for the coming holiday. She asks him questions about his favorite food and if he likes space or the ocean better. What his favorite season is and if he has any stuffed animals or little siblings. He answers each one enthusiastically, fond smile stuck on his face as she squeezes his hand whenever they move up in line. It's endearing and almost too cute for words, especially when she beams up at him when it's time to pay. 

He crouches down again when he hands over the bag, commenting on how pretty her hair ribbons are. Maru-chan throws her tiny arms around his neck and thanks him over and over again, and Sousuke feels a warm sensation circle around his heart. He bids goodbye to his new friend and her mother, having forgotten about the salty fish of a father that frowns deeply at the back of his head as he hunts down Haru. 

Sousuke finds him by the dairy aisle fiddling with his phone. He glances up for half a second then looks away, his signature move for when he didn't want to voice his feelings. Sousuke doesn't mind, having grown used to his silence. He instead inspects the cart, snorting at the surplus of mackerel that takes up half of the space. Haru turns to him then, eyes narrowed. 

"What?" 

"Nothing." Sousuke casually picks up a carton of milk. "I was just wondering if your parents are also dolphins, or if they fished you from the ocean." 

"Hilarious." 

 

 

After half a year living in a dorm with dozens of other people, Haru's house is a refreshing change of pace. A little on the lonely side with him being on his own, but there's no line for the bathroom and no frantic second years racing up and down hallways looking for clothes or books or money. It's actually quite nice, and after paying respects to Nanase-san, Sousuke ambles into the kitchen and observes the aloof Haru in his natural habitat. 

"I thought Rin was kidding when he said you always have those on," he says, smirking a little at the sight of Haru wearing jammers and an apron. Haru shrugs, probably used to the questioning looks, and basically ignores him as he starts to prepare the mackerel. Sousuke is content to just watch, finding something soothing in the sizzle of the pan and the mutual silence between them. A comfort he didn't know he wanted, and he kind of wants to go back in time and give his jealous self a good kick in the dick for being such an ass. 

The atmosphere shifts when Sousuke's phone starts to ring. Rin's face lights up the screen, and the automatic grin it brings about would be embarrassing on just about anyone else. 

"Hey," he answers, wandering down the hall. "What's up?"

"Where are you?" Rin sounds tired. "Ai and Momo roped me into helping with a group project and you've been conveniently absent all day." Sousuke can practically hear him pouting. He imagines Rin sprawled out on his bed, his arm covering his eyes as if that'll help keep the world outside the door from bothering him. 

"What time is it?" 

"Almost eight." 

"Shit, really?" He checks the time on his phone. "Damn, I didn't think we were out that long."

He walks back into the kitchen and leans against the wall, nodding at Haru who glances at him questioningly. The line is silent for a full minute before he remembers he's supposed to be having a conversation. 

"Rin?" 

"Who's we?" 

It takes a moment for the question to sink in. "Huh? Oh! Yeah, me and Haru grabbed an early lunch then went food shopping." He chuckles. "There was this guy—"

"Since when do you grab lunch and go shopping with Haru?" There's the sound of a mattress shifting. "And since when do you call him _Haru_?”

"That's his name, isn't it?" 

Okay, what is happening? Rin sounds like he's trying very hard not to yell, and Sousuke is not at all comprehending the situation. He throws a helpless look at Haru, who has now abandoned the stove and holds out his hand. With a shrug, Sousuke gives him the phone. 

"Rin," Haru says in that monotone that Sousuke has grown so used to in such a short time. "Sousuke is very tall and is nice to children. I'm making him dinner." 

A startled snort almost chokes him as Haru talks over Rin's rage. Admittedly, Sousuke finds it equal parts hilarious and endearing that his boyfriend is a little jealous of the boy he used to be _very_ jealous of. Like he's come full circle. 

"Maybe if you cooked he'd spend more time with you."

"Give me that," Sousuke snatches his phone back, though he's smirking all the same. "Save the sass for Makoto, yeah?" 

He swears Haru smirks in return. 

"Rin? Rin! I gotta go, dinner is getting cold."

"Why are you having dinner with Haru?!" 

"I'll see you soon, okay?"

"Don't ignore me Yamazaki! I will take a bus to Iwatobi just to ki–"

"I love you."

Silence. 

Sousuke's brain catches up to his mouth two seconds after Rin hangs up on him. He's left with nothing but a dial tone, the smell of fish, and a big neon sign that flashes 'Idiot' hanging above his head. And if that last part only happens in his imagination, it's made twice as worse by Haru shaking his head and looking almost sympathetic. 

It wasn't his fault! The words fell naturally from his tongue like a simple greeting would. Rin just made him feel that way; content and secure and happy. He's always his happiest when Rin is nearby, even when he couldn't stand to see him with anyone else. Now that they were together it's like he woke up high, almost dizzy with the euphoria that came with waking up with Rin in his arms. He loved him with everything he had and was ready to shout it from the rooftops for everyone to hear! 

But maybe he should say it in person first. 

 

 

He hasn't made it three steps into the room before Rin is on him, dressed in sleepwear and looking anything but tired. "How was dinner with Haru?" He has his hands on his hips and his upper body turned slightly away. He's not quite frowning, but there's an expression on his face that is less than pleased. Sousuke wants to kiss him. 

"Pretty quiet, actually," he says with a chuckle, moving about the room and getting ready for bed. He notices that Rin is a foot behind him at all times. "Did you know the guy only cares about like, five things?" 

"Oh yeah?"

"Mmhmm." He removes his shirt and resists the urge to look over his shoulder. He normally sleeps without one these days; feeling bare skin against his own has gotten incredibly addicting. And he hasn't yet been banished to the top bunk, so he's hoping Rin isn't too upset with him. 

"Let's see. There's swimming, Makoto, mackerel, his freaky school mascot, and swimming." 

"You said swimming twice." His defensive stance is still in place, but his shoulders are less tense. Sousuke turns slowly to face him, and lets his gaze linger on exposed collarbones and toned biceps. 

"People talk about what they love." His eyes find Rin's now. "So naturally, all I talked about was you." 

He reaches out for him, slow and apprehensive like Rin is a stray animal. His fingers curl around his shoulders and he pulls him in a little closer. Rin hasn't spoken yet, and his eyes are wide but dry, so Sousuke isn't sure if he's upset or not by his confession. 

"If.. If it's too soon for you to hear this, I'll stop," he promises, because the last thing he wants to do is make Rin uncomfortable. "But I won't lie and say I don't love you yet. I'm pretty sure I fell in love with you a long time ago, and just never found the courage to admit it.

"That sounds stupid, I know. It honestly snuck up on me, and I was trying to juggle those feelings while taking yours into account. By the time I knew, you were already gone, and I spent so much time missing you.." 

He's rambling in a very Ai like fashion and still Rin hasn't said a word. He watches Sousuke with those beautiful eyes that never fail to light something up inside of him. Be it happiness or pride, anger or irritation, Rin reaches parts of him that no one else even comes close to. He wants him in ways that scare him, in ways that transverse the physical realm and exist in this space that holds late night conversations and lazy days spent listening to the rain. No matter his future plans, Rin was always a constant, a must, a deal breaker, and he has a feeling that that's not gonna change. 

"I love you, Rin." He closes his eyes, hands sliding down to wrap around slender wrists. "It's fucking terrifying how easy it is to say that. I love you. _I love you.”_

Sousuke keeps his eyes closed, breath coming in harsh like he just ran a marathon. He licks his dry lips, and when his tongue registers the taste of salt he knows he's crying. Rin seems to come back to life now, pulling him close and letting him rest his head on his shoulder. He rubs his back in soothing circles, kisses his hair and hums in response to his gasps and whimpers. The role reversal is not entirely lost on Sousuke, but he's too busy nuzzling into Rin to care. 

"I love you, too." The words are whispered against his ear and travel straight to his heart. Sousuke tightens his hold on Rin and presses his face deeper into his neck, never wanting there to be space between them again. If he were still on the fence about which letter to accept, his mind is definitely made up now. 

They somehow find their way into bed, Sousuke clinging to Rin all the while. He peppers his face with sweet, slightly damp kisses, whispering those three special words over and over again until he falls asleep. When he wakes the next morning Rin is still there, running his fingers through his hair and holding him close. His smile is even brighter than before, and his kiss melts away whatever reservations he might've had. 

"I want this forever," he says against the warm skin of Rin's shoulder. He can't remember being this happy, never wants to not know what it feels like to wake up in love. Rin turns his head to kiss Sousuke's forehead, hiding his smile in his hair. 

"I was thinking the same thing."

>*<

As the first person to know about RinSou becoming official, Kisumi prides himself on being an expert on both fronts. He knows just how far to push Rin to get him out of his funk without getting himself into trouble. Likewise, he knows how to go all deep and philosophical so that Sousuke regains his common sense. He's a pretty great best friend, all things considered.

"I'm demanding pictures as payment for my services.” Kisumi glances at his passenger, mouth quirked up in a smirk. "Though I would settle for an audio recording."

One major non-swimming related regret Sousuke has is that he never got his license. He didn't have time to learn how to drive with all the practice he did, and now the roads are too slippery. And even if he did pass the test on the first try he has no money for a car. Which leaves him in his current position. 

"I already told you, Rin doesn't want to record us having sex." He checks his hair in the visor mirror, patting down a few flyaway strands. "And aren't friends supposed to do each other favors without expecting something in return? I doubt Makoto is hassling Rin right now."

"Because Makoto is too preoccupied by Haru's great ass to worry about yours."

Fair point. 

All things considered, he really is grateful that Kisumi is so invested in his relationship. The guy is literally driving him to his date, because the first officially official date is not something you can take a train to. Especially when he spent so long getting ready. The ironed slacks, polished dress shoes and suit jacket were in pristine condition, as was his crisp dark blue button down and gelled back hair. Kisumi had whistled appreciatively when he came to pick him up, so he knew he was on the right track. 

"Are you nervous?" The radio is turned down as they pull up in front of the fancy restaurant Sousuke had chosen. It was a pretty swanky place, requiring a reservation and everything. 

"No? Should I be?" 

Kisumi shrugs, giving him his full attention now that they're parked. "I dunno. This place is a big step up from writing love letters and staring broodingly into the ocean." He smiles at Sousuke's pout. "I guess what I'm saying is that I'm proud of you, both of you. And I'm glad I get to witness this." 

Sousuke has to look away to control his expression. That was definitely unexpected, and he isn't prepared for the rush of emotion Kisumi's words bring about. Thankfully he's saved from embarrassment with the arrival of Rin via Makoto's father's car. Sousuke bids a quick goodbye to Kisumi before getting out and walking halfway to the restaurant entrance before he stops in his tracks. Makoto waves to him as Rin gets out and struts over, those sharp eyes trapping him in their gaze. He thinks he hears someone talking, maybe Makoto, or even Kisumi, but he doesn't dare look away. 

He's seen Rin in a suit before, during the Samezuka cultural festival, but that was cheesy and came with gloves and made him look like a Grell and Sebastian love child. This is different. 

He's not sure what it is at first; the fact that his trousers are tight in all the right places, the sexy simplicity of his white collared shirt, his jacket that switches from black to a deep, deep burgundy then back again. Maybe it's the fact that the jacket is open, revealing how neatly his shirt is tucked into his pants. Or perhaps it's the belt, and God only knows how Rin found one to perfectly match the jacket. 

"And I thought _I_ looked good." Rin's sharp grin brings Sousuke's focus back up to his face. His hair is pulled back in a ponytail, his bangs styled carefully to not fall in his eyes. He looks so neat and put together, like a model from a catalog. 

He wants to ruin him. 

Sousuke takes five seconds to scan the area around them before grabbing Rin's elbow and tugging him off to the side, away from the lights and fancy doors. Rin frowns curiously up at him, one eyebrow raising after Sousuke does nothing but stare at him. 

"Are you okay?"

"We have to go."

"What! Why? We just got here." Rin looks behind him, face pinched in worry, and Sousuke doesn't want that. He wants the easy smile and bright eyes, that captivating laugh and sharp grin. He wants..

"I need to get you away from...the public." The way he says it is so weird, like Rin is being protected by the secret service. It makes him laugh, which only causes Sousuke to frown deeper. 

Rin shakes his head and pulls his arm free. "Can we continue this freak out after I've had dinner? I was promised a steak." But Sousuke isn't listening. He's staring at his mouth, his chest, his legs, all with that same blank faced expression. 

"What is it?" 

"I want you." And now he comes alive, eyes burning as they travel along his body, bottom lip caught between his teeth. "Right now." He cups Rin's face in his hands and kisses the corner of his mouth, using the last of his self control to at least be polite. "You look entirely too breathtaking to be allowed around other people. They don't deserve to lay their eyes on you." 

Sousuke kisses him again, longer this time, because if he doesn't shut himself up he'll say something even more embarrassing. He won't take back his words though, because Rin deserves to know how good he looks. How he drives him crazy by just standing there looking illegal in such innocent attire. 

Rin pulls away first and he's grinning mischievously. Sousuke blinks the stars from his eyes, but by then it's too late and he's being pulled down into another kiss before his brain can catch up. Rin's got a hand on the back of his neck and the other on his chest, and he's getting lost in his little sighs and his warmth and the way he alludes to a deeper kiss before keeping it chaste and teasing and not enough. Sousuke goes to bite him right when Rin slides his leg between his thighs and presses up just enough to coax a low moan out of him. 

"Sousuke." It's a breathy little sigh whispered in his ear. "I really..." 

"Yeah?" 

"I want.." 

"Tell me." Sousuke licks his lips, eyes fluttering open just as Rin's hand reaches his belt. He gives it a little tug, hooded eyes looking up at him from under long lashes. 

"My steak." 

Just like that the seductive aura evaporates, and Sousuke is left with his rival, his best friend, who's looking far too smug as he pivots and heads towards the restaurant entrance. Which means that, like always, Sousuke is left to follow. 

The inside is just as expensive looking as the outside; mini chandeliers, crystal water glasses, floor to ceiling windows, elegant table cloths, plants that aren't fake. Rin watches as Sousuke blends right in; a tall, handsome man who draws the attention of anyone within earshot. He smiles charmingly to the waiter who shows them to their table, pulls out Rin's chair for him, and elegantly covers his lap using the gold patterned napkin-thing. 

"Just who are you exactly?" Rin laughs to hide how very out of place he feels. The last time he was somewhere like this was for some relative’s wedding. He had been about nine, and kept pulling at his tie and using the dessert spoon for his soup. Not exactly the best track record. 

"I'm not allowed to do nice things?" Sousuke asks with a grin. "I wanted to treat my boyfriend, so I am. It's as simple as that." 

As Rin tries to drown himself in his water glass, a waiter comes by and takes their orders. Or rather, Sousuke rattles off a list of food and then a basket of bread is put on their table. Rin grabs a roll to give himself something to do, annoyed at how nervous he is. He was going to be swimming in front of thousands and on national television someday. If he couldn't handle a dinner date then what's going to happen when he gets up on a starting block surrounded by record breaking athletes? 

Sousuke's hand travels across the table to land on his, stilling his shaky knife movements. Rin glances up from his bad butter job and grows still at the look in those teal eyes that were teasing him only a minute ago. 

"Is this too much?" Sousuke asks quietly.

As far as Rin's concerned, everything is too much right now. "What do you mean?" 

Sousuke gestures to the rest of the restaurant with his free hand, mouth turned down in a worried frown. "This place. I know it's not casual like our other dates, but.." He smiles sheepishly, looking like a puppy who's unsure of their actions. "Winter break is next week, then your birthday, and then graduation. So we won't have a lot of time to ourselves after this weekend." 

Rin looks down at their joined hands; at some point Sousuke had locked their fingers together. He takes in the new shirt and the nice jacket and the slicked back hair. He reminds himself that despite their location, they still ordered steak and pork cutlets, and not even the fancy kind with special sauce and random garnish. The wine he sips at (because when a restaurant requires a reservation they don't check to see if their patrons are twenty) is basically bitter cranberry juice, not overly sweet like the dessert wines he had seen on the menu. But the most important detail is that they’re here together. Two boys from Sano who were too stubborn for everyone else, who led with their hearts and ended up crashing into each other. 

Rin gazes at him with the tenderest expression Sousuke has ever seen and gives his hand a gentle squeeze. "It's perfect." His cheeks are happily flushed, and his eyes sparkle like the chandelier in the center of the room. 

After that it's like they're eating take-out in the dorm. Conversation flows from friends to television to school to family, and goes off track towards speculations about space and the thought patterns of birds. It's so easy, like they're in grade school again, and Sousuke wonders just how long he's truly been in love with Rin and just never noticed because this is how things worked with them. The only difference is that now he can hold Rin's hand without worrying about how the other will react. 

They debate over dessert for a good few minutes before Sousuke decides on a piece of red velvet cake, one of the only sweets Rin willingly eats. He tries to feed it to him, laughs when Rin simply grabs the fork and keeps it for his own, fights Sousuke's fork as the other man goes in for a piece. People are watching them, probably wondering how these two unsophisticated individuals managed to sneak their way into such a fine establishment. Maybe whispering across the table, mouths curling around hateful words, eyes doing their best to shame them. 

Those people are not dating Matsuoka Rin, so they can suck it.

 

 

A surprisingly quiet bus ride greets them on their way back to Samezuka. They take a seat up front, Rin by the window, and settle in for the half hour drive. Sousuke isn't all that tired, but the gentle motions of the bus combined with Rin resting his head on his shoulder fills him with a great sense of calm. 

He looks to the side and is caught off guard by their reflection. With his hair slicked back, and the fancy dinner attire, he looks older. Rin sits comfortably against his side, long eyelashes nearly brushing the tops of his cheekbones. He took out his ponytail after they left the restaurant, and now his silky hair falls freely around his shoulders. Sousuke marvels at how beautiful he is just sitting still. He wonders if he'll get even more radiant as they grow older. 

"Tonight was fun," Rin says, reaching for his hand. "I never thought you'd be the sap in our relationship." 

Sousuke hums, rubs his knuckles with his thumb. "But you _have_ thought about us being in a relationship?" 

Rin digs his nails into his palm, but blushes all the same. Sousuke chuckles and kisses his temple, freeing up his hand to wrap his arm around Rin's shoulders. "Don't be embarrassed. I've probably thought about it more than you." 

Sousuke _knows_ he's thought about this—them—longer than Rin, because he spent years trying _not_ to think about it. Being in love with your best friend is one thing; pining after your best friend who left for a different country is another. A year ago he would have been content with just being back in the redhead's life. But now that he can't swim in the lane next to him, he realizes just how deep his feelings run. Rin was too important to let slip through his fingers again. 

Rin's quiet for the rest of the ride back to Samezuka, but he doesn't shy away from Sousuke's embrace. His lips brush against Sousuke's neck as he whispers inaudibly to himself, half ticklish and more than a little arousing. He laughs to himself, wondering if there will ever come a day when Rin doesn't affect him in some way. 

When they're back in their room, undressing each other with slow, careful movements, he realizes how unlikely that thought is. Because Rin just standing in front of him half dressed sends his heart pounding. Rin's hands on his skin leave trails of goosebumps as they travel over his arms, his chest, his stomach. The air is filled with his scent, light and sweet, and he wants to drown in it. 

He wonders if Rin knows—as they lay in bed kissing each other breathless—just how much power he has over him. Wonders if he can taste Sousuke's love and desperation on his tongue, can hear his name in every sigh and panted breath. He wonders if he's aware of the fear he hides behind every embrace. Loving Rin is the easiest thing in the world, always has been, and to have Rin love him back is nothing short of amazing. But he's always been half a step behind him, the shadow of Rin's light, and he's so afraid of losing him, losing this, that he doesn't know what to do. 

The fear makes him stupid; weighs down his tongue with words too big to say, promises and vows that would only upset Rin so early on. Sousuke wants for so many things that he'll never ask for, because he spent five long years figuring out who he was and who he wanted to be. No matter the scenario, Rin was always there in some capacity, cheering him on or picking him up or just being there when Sousuke needed him. He wants all of that at once and then some. 

"I love you." He holds Rin's face in his hands and tries his hardest to speak without words. He has no idea how Haru and Makoto communicate so easily, but chalks it up to being joined at the hip since childhood. A pang of regret shoots through him, sharp and unwarranted. He feels guilty for not meeting Rin sooner, as ridiculous as that sounds. He wishes he could go back in time and tell his mother about the Matsuoka's, and how imperative it is that his toddler self meet their oldest child. He wants to tell his heartbroken teenage self to not work so hard, to take it easy, because the best was yet to come. But most of all, he wants to go back to the first day in class, wants to see the look of surprise on Rin's face when he realized just who it was that stood in front of the room, and he wants to declare his love right then and there. But he can't. 

"I love you," he whispers again, voice cracking. 

Rin's looking at him like he's never seen him before. Maybe he hasn't, at least not this version of him. Sousuke was always the one calling him out for his romantic outbursts, flicking his nose and calling him an idiot when he teared up over dumb movies. But this didn't feel like some rom-com or a cheesy race to the airport scene. This was Sousuke; his rival and best friend and first kiss and first touch and first 'I love you' that wasn't aimed at family. The man beside him was something achingly familiar and terrifyingly new, a chapter he had started but then put down when the fear of disappointment and rejection overtook his hope and determination. This boy he had known for so long gave him butterflies when they held hands, made him laugh late at night when they were too exhausted to do more than flop down in bed. 

The man he loves is gazing at him in pure adoration, and he never wants to forget what that looks like. 

"I love you, too," Rin sighs into their kiss, pulling himself impossibly closer. He cards his fingers through Sousuke's hair and tries to convey his own feelings through touch. No matter what he went through, Sousuke was always there in the back of his mind. He missed his best friend more than words could describe, was overjoyed when he came crashing back into his life. This man right here is one of the most important people in Rin's life. 

If only he could say the words to his face.

>*<

Sousuke's being enveloped in his mother's arms before he can even step out of his shoes. Though the woman only comes up to his shoulders, she's as strong as an ox and twice as stubborn. He kisses her cheek and greets her with the air he has left in his lungs.

"Hi, Mama." 

Mrs. Yamazaki swats her son's chest, a disapproving look on her face. A great contrast to the affection she gave just seconds before. "Don't 'Hi Mama' me, young man. You beg us to transfer you back to Iwatobi and then only visit during the holidays?" She's got her hands on her hips now, a sure sign she means business. 

Sousuke looks over her head to his father who's lurking in the background. Mr. Yamazaki gives him a helpless look before sneaking off into the kitchen. He hangs his head in shame like he's ten years old again. 

"Sorry, Mama." 

The woman huffs and reaches up to mess with his hair. He hides his smile in the collar of his jacket and slips out of his shoes. He really did miss his mother and her fussing. As a child he wasn't allowed to leave the house until his shoes were tied and his clothes were on straight. He had missed those little things while he was in Tokyo. 

"It's a good thing Matsuoka-san still calls me. Otherwise I wouldn't have a clue about what you kids are getting up to." Mrs. Yamazaki wonders off to the kitchen, and Sousuke uses this opportunity to sneak upstairs. 

His bedroom hasn't changed a bit despite the many years he's been gone. The posters of Saturday morning anime characters and Olympic swimmers cover his walls, but the fading dark blue paint job is still visible. His bed looks incredibly small now that he's a giant, and sitting down on it should feel foreign and uncomfortable, but it doesn't. All he feels is safe. The dragon nightlight he was always embarrassed about showing anyone is still plugged into the wall next to the bedside table that's covered in stickers and trinkets. His hand reaches out for the little cow toy Gou gave him when they first met, and he ends up knocking over a little picture frame. 

He can't suppress his dopey grin when he sees Rin's smiling face. His best friend is a cat, making 'claws' at the camera while he bares his fangs. His younger self is a more reserved dog standing loyalty next to him, arm draped over his shoulders. He chuckles, because even back then Rin always got his way. Their school had been holding some kind of carnival, and for two whole hours Rin had pestered him about face painting. It took two ice cream cones and the threat of tears for him to finally agree. Sousuke still hasn't learned how to say no and mean it when it comes to this guy. 

As he sets the picture frame back down his phone vibrates in his pocket. Before he can even unlock the screen, two more texts appear underneath the first. They're all from the same person.

 

**Rin (6:49)** whos doing the welcome home dinner? 

**Rin (6:49)** plz say it's aunty

**Rin (6:50)** mama can only make like five things

 

Sousuke chuckles, flopping down on his good side. He remembers the first time Rin called him on the landline. He had been so nervous, stuttering and giggling at awkward times. Sousuke himself had been very quiet, but only because he was even more nervous than Rin had been. 

 

**Sent! (6:52)** We're doing it. 

**Sent! (6:53)** I can smell at least four dishes cooking as we speak. 

**Rin (6:54)** good. 

**Rin (6:56)** gou says she misses you 

**Sent! (6:58)** Tell her I said I miss her, too. 

**Rin (7:00)** what abt me? 

**Sent! (7:00)** What about you??

**Rin (7:01)** you dont miss me? 

 

Sousuke rolls his eyes, but even so he can't keep the fond grin away. They were literally just together not half an hour ago. He had walked Rin home and left with a chaste kiss on the cheek and the promise to see him at dinner later that night. That being said...

 

**Sent! (7:04)** I always miss you. But I've gotten used to the feeling. 

 

Immediately, Sousuke wants to take back the words. He should've said something flirty, not emotional! That was texting 101 according to Nagisa; serious conversations were for face to face interactions only. Texting was meant for flirting, sexting, and drunk questions about food. Why didn't he read the pamphlet he made? He considers adding on a joke, but before he can get the chance his screen lights up again. 

 

**Rin (7:10)** be over soon. get ready to tell the parents so I can kiss that sad pout away 

**Rin (7:12)** I miss u too

 

 

Rin's fingers twitch for the third time in as many as ten minutes. He's sitting at the table across from his mother and Gou, with Mr. and Mrs. Yamazaki at opposite ends. Sousuke sits next to him, and he's never wanted to hold someone's hand as much as he does at this very moment. 

As soon as they arrived, Rin had to force himself not to throw his arms around his dumb, sentimental boyfriend. It wasn't unusual for friends to hug each other, he knew that, but if they started making out on the doorstep things might get awkward. So he settled for a polite smile and a meaningful fistbump, trying to convey the big emotional speech he composed on the way over through that single point of contact. 

He was still getting used to this version of his old friend. The Sousuke he knew in the past didn't broadcast his feelings like this, nor was he openly affectionate. Rin hadn't minded, feeling comfortable enough to do both for the two of them. But now? Now he was getting lost in those blue eyes, falling prey to that charmingly boyish smile. Sousuke was beautiful, no matter how much he tried to deny it, and looking at him never failed to put Rin into a lovesick trance. In the mornings when he woke up with a strong heartbeat under his ear, he had to fight the urge to giggle and kick his feet, because this was the kind of feeling he always dreamed about being able to have. 

"Rin!" 

Gou kicks his ankle and he jumps, fork clattering down on the plate. Rin purses his lips, breathing deeply through his nose so that he doesn't shout and get scolded, even though his sister was the one who could single handedly ruin his swimming career with a well placed heel grind. 

"Yeah?" He asks once his temper is under control. 

"When you're done daydreaming, pass the rice, please." Her innocent smile couldn't fool a blind man. It certainly doesn't fool Rin, who practically invented that look. But he passes her the rice, ignoring the deep chuckles that emit from the person next to him. Didn't Sousuke know how powerful his laugh was? How it made butterflies dance around in Rin's stomach? So rude. 

The rest of dinner passes without incident, meaning that Rin doesn't grab Sousuke's hand and lace their fingers together like he really wants to. Dessert is an assortment of ice cream, a novelty at the Yamazaki house. Gou has strawberry, his mother plain vanilla, Mrs. Yamazaki with chocolate, Mr. Yamazaki with Neapolitan, and he and Sousuke share a bowl of mint chocolate chip. Their spoons clink when they both dive in, aiming for the heavily packed cookie area on top. 

"The only sweet you two could ever agree on," Rin's mother says fondly. 

"And yet they still fight over it," Mrs. Yamazaki finishes with a laugh. 

Rin's about to protest that statement when Sousuke takes the spoon from his hand and shovels a large half melted section into his mouth. He's got this adorably smug look on his face as he chews, and it's hard to keep his scowl in place when bright eyes twinkle at him. There's a piece of cookie right there on the corner of his mouth, and Rin doesn't think twice about leaning over and kissing him there, subtly licking it away. 

Then he remembers that their families are sitting there, watching them, still under the assumption that they're just best friends because neither of them have brought up the fact that they're dating. 

Sousuke is torn between shock and fondness, but he doesn't move a muscle and he's afraid to look up. Rin has his forehead on his shoulder, most likely screaming at himself as he hides his red face. They had intended to drop the news after dinner, when everyone would be content and hopefully more open minded. But now that plan has crashed, burned, and exploded into a million pieces. Now they're just waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

"I'm very disappointed in you, Sousuke." The tone of his mother's voice sends his stomach dropping. "I can't believe you kept this a secret. Had I known I would have made Rin-kun's favorite dish instead of yours." 

Sousuke opens his eyes and finds his mother's kind smile aimed their way. Her eyes—just a shade darker than his own—seem to sparkle like the holiday ornaments that decorate the windows. He takes a chance and looks to his father, and his mostly confused expression would make him laugh if he wasn't so nervous. 

"I suppose this explains why you wanted to transfer to Samezuka," he says a bit awkwardly. But he nods reassuringly when Sousuke frowns. Not a man of many words, that much they had in common, but his body language is relaxed, and the look he shares with his mother is more 'explain this to me later' rather than 'I'm disowning our son', so he counts that as a win. 

That's two down, and Gou already knew, so that makes three. Aunty hasn't said a word, and the crushing grip Rin has on his hand is an indicator of how fearful his boyfriend is. Sousuke carefully extracts it so that he can lace their fingers together, and Rin peeks up at him through his bangs, eyelashes damp. A stray tear slides down his cheek, and he's quick to wipe it away with his free hand. 

"Aunty, I–." Mrs. Matsuoka holds up her hand to silence him. "Rin," she says to her son. "Look at me."

He does so reluctantly, shoulders hunched, still leaning towards Sousuke for support. His eyes are shiny with unshed tears, and he tries his hardest not to sob. His mother's already soft expression turns incredibly tender as she reaches across the table for his free hand. 

"Were you afraid I'd try to separate the two of you?" She asks. "Or that I would be upset?" Rin's lower lip wobbles as he tries to answer, but in the end all he's good for is a helpless shrug. Sousuke, fearful in his own way, keeps his eyes on the boy next to him, squeezing his hand in a steady rhythm. 

"I certainly wasn't expecting to find out this way," she continues, "but I'm not really surprised." She shares a look with Mrs. Yamazaki, both women sporting stereotypical mom smiles. 

"After all, Sousuke-kun was always very adamant about marrying you, Rin-chan." 

Sousuke hides his blushing face in Rin's hair, but he can't help the smile that tugs at his lips. 

 

 

The remainder of the holiday passes in this shoujo manga-esque montage: ice skating, hot cocoa dates, snowball fights, cuddling, and lots and lots of picture taking. On the third night, with snow fluttering down in soft waves, they walk hand in hand to Mr. Matsuoka's grave. Rin reintroduces them, sounding both giddy and sad as he catches his father up on his life. When he's done, hastily wiping away tears before they can freeze on his face, Sousuke crouches respectively in front of the grave. 

He takes his time pouring out his feelings for Rin, sounding near breathless at times. But before they leave, he vows to always keep him happy, to encourage him in whatever he decides to do, even if they aren't together in the future. Rin hisses at that, pulling him harshly to his feet just to press a bruising kiss to his lips. Sousuke doesn’t say anything else as they descend the hill, but he had meant every word. He loved Rin with everything he had, but they would always be best friends, whether they continued on as a couple or not. 

Today is a lazy day. Mr and Mrs. Yamazaki are out shopping with the gift cards Sousuke gave them for Christmas, so they've got the whole house to themselves. Which they take advantage of—several times—before settling down for a nap. Sousuke's childhood bed is way too small to hold both of them, but they make it work by practically fusing together. 

He wakes up cold. 

It can't be more than an hour later after they first laid down, but Sousuke feels disoriented without the added weight of Rin on his chest. The room is covered in shadows, the light from the moon the only thing that allows him to see. Rin sits in the desk chair, turned away from him, shoulders hunched as he stares at something in his lap. 

"Rin?" He rubs the sleep from his eyes, worry chasing away his lethargy. "Are you alright?" He swings his legs over the side of the bed and reaches for the back of the chair to pull it closer. Rin lets him, looking up with an unreadable expression. Sousuke's truly beginning to think that something is very, very wrong. Then there's a piece of paper in his face. 

"You got accepted to the University of Sydney." He doesn't phrase it like a question. "Why didn't you tell me?" 

So that's what this is about? Sousuke takes the acceptance letter and folds it carefully before tossing it onto the desk. "It's a big decision. Lots of loans and grants and things to look into. I didn't want to tell you until everything was—"

"I think you should go to Tokyo." 

Rin's less than a foot away from him, but he sounds miles away. An entire ocean away. Sousuke can reach out and touch him right now, but he's afraid that his fingers will only find mist. In the darkness Rin's eyes are colorless; his personal sun eclipsed. 

Ever since Rin left all those years ago, Sousuke's one constant thought was to go after him. He had missed their rivalry, that tension, the electricity that surged between them whenever they swam in adjacent lanes. He hadn't understood that those tingles and heart palpitations that lasted long after the races were signs of love until it was far too late to confess. So he waited. And now, after years of confusion and heartache and fear and so much love it made him sick... He wasn't wanted. 

"Don't even start!" Rin grabs his good shoulder and shakes him roughly. "I know what's going on in that dumb brain of yours and it needs to stop." He moves to sit beside Sousuke on the bed; a phantom in the moonlight. "I'm not saying this because I don't want you to come to Australia with me." 

"Then why?" Sousuke stares down at his hands, heart somewhere by his feet. "You wanted me to follow you, right?" Had Rin changed his mind? Was Sousuke's shattered career the breaking point of their already fragile friendship? Had his words just been some kind of empty encouragement? What had he done wrong?

Rin groans in frustration, throwing his arms around Sousuke's neck and plastering his body to his side. He presses his face into his neck and digs his nails into his skin, breathing fast, almost like a pant. "Shut up shut up, stop it. Just stop thinking, alright? Let me fucking talk." 

Sousuke wraps his arms around Rin's midsection and pulls him down on top of him, arms locked tight. If Rin wanted him to listen then he would, but he wasn't letting him go. Rin keeps himself propped up, eyes reaching deep down until he's got a firm grip on his boyfriend's soul. 

"I. Love. You." He speaks each word slowly, never looking away. "I love you so much that it scares me. I hate being away from you, and I hate talking about leaving." Rin licks his lips, blinking quickly before he has to look away, unable to stand the raw emotion in Sousuke's eyes. 

"You deserve your own dream." The words are whispered somewhere by his collarbone. Rin hides his face in Sousuke's chest; he can feel wetness gliding over his skin. "I don't want you to be there if you're only doing it for me. This has to be for you, Sousuke. _Only_ you." 

Sousuke doesn't know what to say. So he kisses him. His lips get rid of the lingering tears, the tightness around Rin's eyes, the tension in his shoulders. Anywhere and everywhere that Sousuke can reach, until Rin is calm and docile and looking at him like he holds the answers to the universe. He doesn't. But he's got something almost as good: The Truth. 

"I don't know what I want to do with my life." He wants to laugh. Those words have been swirling around his head for months now, but he was always so afraid of saying them, of making it real. Now it feels as if a heavy weight has been removed from his chest. "Even when the Olympics were an option, I didn't have a backup plan. When I found out I could never return to how things used to be, I took a mental step backwards and realized that I was boring as fuck." 

Rin laughs despite himself, more stunned than anything. Sousuke smiles back, feeling excited now that he can share these feelings with someone. "Sounds crazy right? But it's true. All I had going for me was swimming. Which wasn't bad, but there was nothing else." Or at least that's what it felt like. With Rin gone he had never made any lasting friendships, and the water was the one place he felt they were connected, so he just did that and nothing else. Until he was forced to find something else. Something new. 

"Rin." Sousuke takes his hand and laces their fingers together. His boyfriend watches him intensely, lower lip quivering. Sousuke presses a gentle kiss to his forehead, for once feeling absolutely certain about his words. "As long as I'm with you, I'm already living my dream." 

Rin looks torn between crying and laughing, so he sort of does both while flopping down on Sousuke's chest. "How do people still think that _I'm_ the cheesy one?" Sousuke rubs his hand in soothing circles over his back, fitting his thigh between Rin's legs. 

"Because I'm smart and keep my love a secret."

Rin slaps his good shoulder, peering up at him with shiny eyes. A few stray tears linger on his face but he doesn't bother wiping them away, because Sousuke is already at it when the thought crosses his mind. He was good at that, chasing away his sadness and making his tears vanish. How was he going to survive training without him? 

From hysterical to hypocrite. Nice one, Matsuoka. Nuzzling into Sousuke's hand, Rin blows out a sigh. "So, hypothetically, let's just say that you _will_ study in Tokyo. Are you prepared to have Makoto as your classmate? Who knows what he'll be like without Haru around to supervise him." 

Chuckling, Sousuke draws Rin further up the bed so that they're sharing a pillow. He kisses the tip of his nose, his nerves finally relaxed. "Actually, I was thinking about going to study alongside Haru. Hypothetically." 

"Really? Why." Don't get him wrong, Rin was glad that the two had gotten over...whatever the fuck they had been fighting about, but this was completely unexpected. Logically speaking, Makoto was the lesser of two evils, being the overly friendly counterpart to Haru's antisocialness. 

It seems that Sousuke has been keeping a lot of secrets lately, and he doesn't like it. He wants Rin to be a part of his life, his dream, his future, but if he doesn't know about his plans, how can he be expected to keep up? Right now, Sousuke vows to tell him everything. (Unless the secret is actually a surprise in which case the vow will not be broken). 

"I'm thinking about taking up marine biology. So, what better way to study wildlife than by going to school with an actual dolphin?" It takes a beat before Rin catches his meaning, but when he does he giggles and threatens to turn him over to the mermaid king. Sousuke digs his fingers into the ticklish spot under his ribs, a challenge in his eyes. 

That's how Mrs. Yamazaki finds them twenty minutes later, red faced with tear tracks going down their faces.

>*<

January flies by in a whirlwind of homework and final exams. Despite living in the same room, Sousuke and Rin hardly see each other. They have different study groups, and when Rin is by the pool, Sousuke is working. At night they catch glimpses of each other over their textbooks, but that's about it. They had silently agreed not to share a bed during these times; emotions were high, and no one wanted to fight so close to the end of the year. So close to The End.

Maybe Sousuke was being a little dramatic on purpose. But what do you expect from someone who hasn't slept more than ten hours in three days? 

Needless to say, the day after the very last test is like the aftermath of an invasion. All is silent safe for the snores of exhausted students. Curtains are pulled closed to block out the sun, alarms are disabled, and textbooks lay haphazardly on floors. No one wakes up before noon. Except for Rin. 

Rin wakes up to donuts. 

Last night the third years had all gone out to celebrate the end of finals with a huge bonfire down at the beach. Some drinking might've taken place, and several pairs of boxers had been sacrificed to the sea. Rin could vaguely recall Sousuke putting him to bed, whispering something with a smile on his face. He had conked out soon after. Now it's almost one in the afternoon and there's a box of donuts with a red bow on top sitting a foot away from his face in his desk chair. 

"Happy birthday." 

Rin drags his eyes up from the box and focuses on Sousuke's smiling face. He's got heavy bags under his eyes, his hair is a mess, and his clothes are wrinkled and covered in stains. He's never looked more handsome. Rin then sees the tall iced coffee in his hand and decides right then and there that the two of them are soulmates. No one else would've gone out and gotten donuts for him after going through hell for two weeks. In all honestly, Rin was pretty sure he hadn't even remembered his own birthday until ten seconds ago. 

"Thank you," he whispers. 

The room is filled with soft light, the sun struggling to break through the clouds. Snow falls gently to the ground, covering everything in a peaceful blanket of silence. Nothing about this moment is loud, not even when Sousuke undresses and crawls into bed with him. Rin has never been this content. He doesn't even mind the crumbs and powdered sugar that fall to the bed as they devour his birthday breakfast. They pass the coffee back and forth, remaining pleasantly lethargic despite the caffeine's intended effect. 

"So," Sousuke sighs, stretching out his legs. "How are we spending Valentine's Day? We can't really do much alone today, obviously."

Rin hums, lips covered in powdered sugar, fingers sticky with glaze. Out of nowhere, Sousuke pulls him in for a kiss, licking his lips as they part. The smile dancing on the edges of his mouth have Rin falling for him just a little bit more. It still amazed him that after knowing Sousuke for so long, the other still found ways to surprise him. 

"And someone waited until _after_ their birthday to confess." With a grin Rin wipes his hands on his boyfriend's tank top, somehow maintaining an air of innocence. Sousuke flicks his forehead, blushing. 

"I was waiting for the right moment!" 

Rin snickers, flopping down on his side. What were they going to do? It's not like they had extra money to blow, but after March it would be a long time until they could see each other in person. He wanted it to be special. 

"Maybe..a love hotel?" Sousuke raises an inquisitive eyebrow, chuckles at Rin's embarrassed huff. He honestly couldn't care less about where they were as long as they were together. After five years of missed birthdays and holidays and teasing each other about liking crappy movies, they could spend Valentine's Day in a hole in the ground and it would still be perfect. 

"I'll let you decide," he finally says, pushing Rin over to lay on his back so that he can rest his head on his chest. "Whatever you want to do, I'm down for it." Which pretty much explained their entire relationship. Sousuke wasn't a pushover, he could be even more stubborn than Rin at times, he just had a problem with saying no to any of his requests. That happy smile Rin gave him whenever he agreed to one of his plans was always worth any embarrassment he would no doubt feel. 

"Strip club?" Rin suggests casually, nimble fingers carding through his hair. Sousuke snorts, peeks up at him with a little smirk. 

"Only if it's you on the pole."

Rin doesn't dismiss the idea. 

 

 

As children, birthdays usually meant parties with classmates, or day long outings with a select few guests. At least until he moved to Australia. But as Rin suffers through the singing and the cake and the party hats that Gou insisted everyone put on, he can't imagine a better way to celebrate than this. 

"Did you make a wish Rin-chan?" Nagisa asks with a mouth full of frosting. How he ended up with two corner pieces would remain a mystery for years to come. 

"No," Rin scoffs. "What am I, twelve?" Nope. Just a big fat liar. His secret wish had turned to magical smoke just as he blew out the candles, and he wasn't about to undo it. Although, now that he was back with his friends, he had to wish for something different this year. 

Sousuke plops down next to him on the couch, his party hat sitting almost on his ear. Rin grins at him, tilting his head so that his own pointy paper cone pokes him in the head. His boyfriend has been quiet all evening, even when he greeted Rin's mother before she left to hide out with the Yamazaki's while her kids and their friends trashed the house. (Not that she would ever find out about the busted lamp and the cracked teakettle. Thanks to Rei it was as if nothing ever happened.) 

"A rose for your thoughts?" Rin asks, nodding down at the frosting flower sitting atop his very thin slice of cake. Gou had made it herself this year, had looked so proud when she brought it out. He couldn't not eat it. And with Nagisa and Makoto around he was lucky to just get that at all. Haru's piece is only a little bigger than Rin's own, though he keeps stealing chunks of Makoto's frosting when he isn't looking. 

"Are you happy?" The question catches him off guard. Sousuke looks decidedly uncomfortable; anxious and apprehensive. Rin can't understand why, and that sets him on edge. 

"With the party? Yeah, I guess.”

"No. I meant, are you happy...with me. With us."

Ice stabs at Rin's heart, followed by a hot wave of dread. Sousuke won't look at him, and the sounds of his friends fade away into white noise. If jumping to conclusions were an Olympic sport he'd take the gold. Rin is too afraid to speak, unsure of what exactly is going on in Sousuke's head. Had he changed his mind about their relationship? Was long distance a deal breaker that he could no longer accept? 

"Of course I am. Are.. Are you not happy?" How many times had he broken Sousuke's heart by leaving? The move to Iwatobi, fleeing all the way to Australia, twice, and the second time with Haru. Letting his insecurities stop himself from sending letters. For five years Rin was too wrapped up in his doubts to think about anyone else, and here was Sousuke, coming to terms with his feelings for him. If there was one thing Rin was sure of, it was that he didn't deserve this boy—this man who had accepted him back into his life as if nothing had changed 

Sousuke takes him by surprise again when large, warm hands cover his face. "Every day that I spend with you becomes my happiest."

Speechless. If words came to mind at all, that's the one Rin would use. But they don't, because he's stuck in park under the lights of Sousuke's eyes. He always teases him about being the truly romantic one in their relationship, but he never expected to hear something like this. 

"I can't even tell you what you mean to me," Sousuke continues. As if this is a totally normal conversation. As if his words aren't carving themselves into Rin's heart syllable by syllable. "Every time I've tried the words get lost. O-or I back off, or you _look_ at me–"

"I'm always looking at you," Rin murmurs. Because he is. No matter what he's doing his eyes are always drawn back to this stunning man who, for some reason, thinks he deserves all the love and attention that Sousuke has given him. Those years apart were some of the hardest because his left side always felt cold. His best friend's happy grin and customary fist bump were glaringly absent, and now that Rin has that back he can't stand to look at anything else for too long. 

Sousuke chuckles, rests their foreheads together. He never breaks eye contact. "Exactly! Why do you think I'm so 'stoic' all the time? I'm stunned every time we lock eyes. When you laugh, when you say my name.. Everything you do makes me fall even harder for you." 

Rin tries to frown, tries to stop the flood of stupid tears that are coming without a doubt. This asshole _knows_ how he gets when flowery words are thrown at him without warning. If anything, Sousuke's declaration of love is nothing but a vicious attack on Rin's poor heart. He should just calmly and quietly reassure his too good yet idiotic boyfriend of his mutual and reciprocated affection, then smother him with one of his mother's throw pillows until his face cools down. 

And then Sousuke pulls out a ring. 

It's a simple black band with a thin strip of teal in the middle, and it hangs from a silver chain. At the same time he reveals an almost identical ring hanging around his neck, only it's a bit bigger, and the metal in the middle is a deep red. 

Rin screams, though it comes out more as a choked sob. He's gripping Sousuke's biceps so tightly that he has to be hindering the flow of blood. He scream-sobs, and when Sousuke hooks the chain around his neck he gets the jerk back by ruining his shirt with his tears. 

"It's not that heavy, okay?" Sousuke says, a bit nervous as he tries to calm Rin down. "I just.. You're leaving soon, and Australia is pretty damn far away. And I don't want you to forget–" Rin doesn't have time for his stupid, flowery words because he's too busy kissing him senseless. 

Never in his life has Rin felt so loved. And it wasn't just about the ring or the dinner dates or the gifts. It was the way Sousuke let him win at games when he clearly should have lost. It was how he called him beautiful after a night of studying until they could barely see the words on the pages of their textbooks. It was the fact that, even when he had every reason to resent him, Sousuke didn't. Rin broke his heart a dozen times over, and he got his revenge by loving him so much it made him dizzy.

(Of course, Sousuke wouldn't see loving him as revenge, but Rin knew the truth. He would just have to get him back by loving him even harder.) 

They pull away at the same time, tender looks on both of their faces. "Do I have to wear it only on the chain, or.."

"N-no, you can wear it like, normally. Here." Sousuke unhooks the chain and slides the ring off, then seems to short circuit when he takes Rin's hand. The left one. Which was totally by chance and not caused by any subconscious desires whatsoever. He makes sure to slide the ring on Rin's middle finger, and kisses the back of his hand for good measure. 

The metal is a warm, weighty comfort. A visual representation of Sousuke's love, and Rin has to cover his mouth so he doesn't sob-scream again. Sousuke wraps an arm around his waist and rests his chin on Rin's shoulder, admiring the ring despite having been seeing it for weeks before today. 

"Perfect fit," Sousuke whispers against his cheek, and Rin turns to kiss him again. 

Everything about this moment is perfect. 

"Oh my god! Sou-chan proposed!"

And then it's not. 

Nagisa flies across the room and onto Rin's lap, wailing and clasping his hands around his neck. Fat, happy tears roll down his cheeks, and with Rin crying as well no one can understand what's going on until Sousuke explains in a hurried mumble, ears red and eyes downcast. Rei tears up, Gou coos, Makoto gasps, and Haru offers one of his very rare smiles. 

Perhaps the moment isn't so ruined after all.

>*<

Rin leaves for Australia the second week of March.

The night before his departure is spent with one person who can't fall asleep even after his body has exhausted its energy. Sousuke thought he was prepared for this, had practiced his goodbyes in the mirror over and over again. But the fact of the matter is that he's just not ready. He looks at Rin's sleeping face; his expression is peaceful, and his features soft. He thinks about holding him on lazy mornings, and hiding his face in his neck whenever he's anxious. He's not ready to give that up, but he doesn't have a choice. 

The next day doesn't feel real, like a dream sequence in a video game with limited interactions. He doesn't say much, just hovers next to Rin with a perpetual frown as the anxiety slowly crawls its way up his throat. He can't talk even when he wants to, and by the time Rin's plane calls for boarding he's close to hyperventilating. 

Rin hugs his mother and Gou first, pouting to keep the tears at bay. His friends from Iwatobi, Ai and Momo, they all crowd around him and wish him luck, promising letters and video chats and long emails. All the while Sousuke feels like a ghost, seeing himself from outside his own body. He pulls Rin into his arms as soon as he's able to, the scent of floral shampoo setting him off. He cries. He cries without shame and without embarrassment. He holds Rin to his chest and soaks in his warmth and _cries_ , because his entire world is leaving in mere minutes and—

"I won't go." 

And suddenly he can breathe again. 

Sousuke pulls back and surveys Rin's face. His eyes are red from crying, and there are drying tear tracks on his cheeks, but his expression is serious. He would stay, if Sousuke asked him to. He would throw away everything that he's worked towards in order to stay with him, to not leave him behind again. It's jarring, comforting, and completely and utterly unacceptable. 

In every scenario that played through his head of how this moment could go, Rin not getting on the plane never crossed his mind. There was no _if_ he left, only _when_ , and that thought gives him the strength to smile. 

"This is your dream, Rin. You have to go." 

Rin shakes his head, as stubborn as ever. "Dreams change. It's not like I can't swim here. I'd be with Haru." His hands grip the ends of Sousuke's shirt, a desperate twist as he curls into his boyfriend's embrace. "I'd be with you." 

For a nanosecond, Sousuke entertains the idea of Rin staying. The two of them moving into a Tokyo apartment, studying together, complaining about classmates and practice. Cuddling up at night when the world is still, and it feels like they're the only two beings left under the stars. It's such a pretty picture, so tempting, so close to being reality. But that's not the future Sousuke has in mind. 

"Don't ever let anyone stand in your way, Rin. Not even me. Never me." 

That, more than anything, is Sousuke's biggest fear: holding Rin back. The boy he loved had too much talent, too much potential, just to throw it away for someone like him.

"I'll be here when you get back." Sousuke is sure that whatever face he's making right now isn't a smile, but it causes the storm cloud above Rin's head to disappear. They hug one more time, then fist bump, because that's just who they are. Rivals, friends, best friends, boyfriends; that little gesture of theirs has followed them around since the beginning. It only seems right that they end with it, too. 

Rin doesn't look back at anyone as he marches forward, confident, head held high, shoulders braced to face the world.

Sousuke watches him go.

>*<

The worst thing about life is that it doesn't give a fuck. Not a single one. Life doesn't slow to a halt now that Sousuke is facing the world on his own, nor does it fly by like a snapshot from a camera. It continues on at a regular pace, obeying the laws of time and space like the not giving a fuck morherfucker that it is.

By mid April he's fully moved into his new apartment. The one a floor below Haru’s. The one that Makoto doesn't live in. He doesn't know how to feel about The Perfect Couple being a train ride away from each other, but he's an entire ocean away from Rin, and his surprise at the situation quickly turns to envy. Which turns to self-disgust. Which leads him to scream into his pillow before the first semester truly kicks off. 

But then it does. 

Suddenly emotions are just chemicals in his brain that are pushed back to make room for all the _stuff_ he has to learn. Now that he's not swimming anymore—it's easier to think about as time passes—Sousuke realizes that he's got a lot of free time on his hands. And the university wastes no time saddling him with homework and extra credit and group projects and all these things that turn loneliness into a word in the dictionary. For a while at least. 

Then it's June, which means summer, and classmates talking about the beach and vacation and dates. All the things he's managed to not agonize over for the past few months. It wouldn't be so bad if Sousuke were truly alone. If he could wallow in self-pity and trudge along through the rest of the year with nothing to show for it but good grades. But he isn't. He's..

Well right now he's sitting in a coat closet that wouldn't even fit Kisumi’s little brother comfortably. His knees are digging into his chest and it feels like breathing too hard will ruin the structural integrity of the space he's crammed himself into. The lights are off and his eyes are closed. He feels like throwing up. 

“Shouldn't you be at the party?” Rin’s voice sounds so very far away, even though the phone is pressed tightly to Sousuke’s ear. 

Today is Haru’s birthday, and it feels like the entire world has stuffed itself into Makoto’s apartment. Sousuke doesn't know when he became afraid of crowds, but he knows the last time everyone got together like this, Rin had still been at home. But today he isn't. And he won't be tomorrow or the next day or the next, and the more Sousuke thinks about all the days Rin won't be home the sicker he feels. 

“Not happy to hear from me? I'm hurt, Rin.” Sousuke hopes that his voice didn't waver, hopes that his boyfriend can't feel his longing through the airwaves. 

“Of course I'm happy to hear from you, jackass,” Rin snarks back. “I miss you.” His voice is softer here, a little vulnerable. Sousuke wants to reach out and take his hand, wrap his arms around those strong shoulders. He wants to be where Rin is. He wants—to not hear laughter that he didn't cause. 

Rin says something in English, his accent much improved. Another voice answers him, also in English. It's deep but young, someone their age. Someone their age who speaks English and makes Rin laugh and is _right there_ in Australia and not hiding in a closet like some antisocial freak. Sousuke groans as the knots in his stomach tighten. 

“Sou? Are you alright? You sound sick.”

Sousuke _is_ sick; sick of feeling like a helpless spouse waiting for their loved one to return from war. Rin had offered to stay and he turned him down, told him to chase his dream and push aside anything that got in his way. He refused to be an obstacle in Rin’s path, even from an ocean away. 

“They're cutting the cake and Nagisa got the end piece,” he says lamely. “I wanted it.”

Rin snorts like he's making fun of him, not like the laugh from earlier. The one that causes his nose to scrunch and his eyes to close just a little. 

“I'm sure Haru would give you any leftovers. Unless Makoto gets to them first.” There's silence, so Sousuke forces a light laugh and hopes it sounds convincing. “Listen, Sousuke. I wanted to talk to you about something..”

“Can it wait? I've got to get back inside.” 

Another pause. 

“Yeah, sure. Call me later?” 

Sousuke hums, rubbing at his eyes. It's dusty in the closet and they sting. 

“Okay. I love you.” 

“Yeah! Me too. Bye.” 

He doesn't know how long he stays there in the dusty closet, rubbing his eyes and not crying into his shirt sleeve. He gets out eventually, and makes up an excuse about unfinished homework. No one corrects him, says that it's summer or that he was already ahead in his schoolwork. For that he is grateful. 

 

 

There's a shift in August. The world tilts half an inch, everything is moved slightly to the left, the air is too still and the rain too loud. Something is very obviously Not Right, but it takes a while for Sousuke to notice. 

He starts going to the gym more, bidding farewell to lazy weekends. He jogs in the morning before class, and after dinner, and sometimes he sprints when he spends too long in front of the vending machine deciding what to get and realizes he's late for class. (It's cola. It's always cola. It's never _not_ cola. He could be dying of dehydration and he'd choke down a cola before even considering anything like water.) 

The phone calls with Rin are...less than perfect. Sousuke doesn't want to avoid him, not even a little. He's seen enough movies to know that the ‘distance myself from a loved one to avoid hurting them/myself’ never works out. So no, he's not avoiding him. But he _is_ distracting himself. After crying in a closet, he realized that most of his life had been centered on catching up to Rin. Now that they were running different races, he needed a new goal. Which meant more time spent doing new things, and less time waiting by the phone for Rin’s practice to end. 

They Skype every weekend, even if it's just for a few minutes. That doesn't mean they're always pleasant calls, though. 

“Can't you just cancel? Or say you're sick?” Rin tries not to glare at him, but he can see the hard set of his jaw. Sousuke needs to leave in five minutes, should've shut down the computer seven minutes ago, but he was weak for those pouty lips. 

“It's opening day for the new coral exhibit and I already bought tickets.” 

“Since when do you like museums?”

“Since I made friends who wanted to go.”

Rin makes a sound like a laugh, but it isn't warm. “Since when do you have friends?”

Sousuke knows he's being teased. He likes his space and feels that needless small talk over coffee is a waste of time. He’s gotten better over the years, but he wasn't a social butterfly. It's not meant to be an insult, he _knows_ this. But he still takes it like one. 

“I gotta go. If you wanna shit talk, text me so I can delete it.” 

Sousuke can't remember the last time he was _truly_ annoyed with Rin after they started dating. He was always too happy, so blinded by love and a bright smile and gleaming eyes that had captivated him from the moment they met. Now, watching his boyfriend through a grainy computer monitor, he can feel some old feelings resurfacing. And not the good kind. 

“In fact,”—he's on a roll now—”why don't you call me when you get a new attitude. I won't wait up. I have a feeling it'll be a while.” 

The fire in those red eyes that once set his heart ablaze tries to melt him through the screen. “Fuck you.” 

And that's the last time they talk for a while. 

 

 

The honeymoon phase is dead. Sousuke realizes this some time in September, when he gets a deliberately late happy birthday text. That's all he and Rin do now: text. His computer is only used for homework, and phone calls are too risky. They can't see each other, so it's easier to get swept up in the moment. Like when they tried to apologize a week after the museum thing and ended up bringing up _very_ old receipts that neither of them cared to remember. The dangers of dating your best friend. 

Sousuke never thought he would be happy living near Haru, but on days like today, he is. They're in his tiny living room, trying not to knock each other off his tiny couch. When Sousuke trudged upstairs after another series of going nowhere texts, Makoto was being shoved out into the hall with an expression like a confused puppy. Sousuke didn't want to feel relieved, but he was. 

He likes Makoto, only a monster wouldn't. He was a good friend and a kind person and even with his fears and insecurities he still managed to remain upbeat most days. Sousuke was his polar opposite, or at least he felt like it. He didn't smile cutely over little things, he wasn't an older sibling, he was open about his discomfort with things, and if they were giving out medals for Best Boyfriend, Sousuke wouldn't even make it up to the podium. 

Haru leans across the gap between the couch and the coffee table to reach a bag of popcorn. So far they've marathoned all of the _Jaws_ movies, and have taken a break for a simpler theme: _Finding Nemo._ Sousuke picked it. He feels there's poetic justice about the tiny fish with an abnormal fin who went on a crazy, life changing adventure by defying his father. Plus, he likes the turtles. 

Haru’s leg is warm where it presses against Sousuke’s through his sweats. He really needed this after the past few weeks. He forgot that filling up his schedule with distractions meant there wasn't any room for him to just relax and be a person. He feels like he hasn't sat still without something productive in front of him in months! It feels good to be lazy. 

“Are you two still fighting?” Haru has this great habit of not looking at Sousuke when he talks. His eyes are glued to the television, watching Dory bounce on jellyfish. Normally he'd be upset about the lack of eye contact, but he knows Haru is listening. 

“Depends. Is Makoto still perfect?” He sounds bitter and maybe a little jealous, so he stuffs his face with M&Ms and tries to get a grip. Just because he couldn't stand near him these days without getting a headache doesn't mean he's allowed to be mean. Sousuke just clicked better with people like the lump of oversized sweatshirt hogging the popcorn at the end of the couch. 

“No one is perfect,” Haru says over the rustle of plastic. He's gotten better at saying more than one thing during a full conversation, but the words are a little stilted. “Makoto.. He smothers. Sometimes.” The words look like they hurt to say, but he still does. Another thing Sousuke never thought he would see. 

“Oh yeah?” Sousuke’s being an ass and he knows it, wants to stop but can't. He's projecting maybe, just a little. He and Makoto are similar enough in the Now Dating Best Friend category, and it feels like he's losing big time. Is that why Haru kicked him out? So Sousuke wouldn't put his foot in his mouth and ruin something else? 

Haru nods slowly, as if gathering the right words. “I don't like crowds. He says I should at least try. So I do. But he hovers and makes excuses for me. I don't like that.”

“The hovering or the excuses?” He was familiar with both. Makoto liked to make everyone happy, spare their feelings or let them down gently. He would never be mean on purpose, and letting his boyfriend show just how much he disliked something was probably high on his list of Things To Cover Up. Another situation where Sousuke was more like Haru. 

There's a glint in those eyes now; his face is turned towards Sousuke just a little bit. “The excuses. If I don't like something, or someone, I want them to know.”

“Isn't that rude?” 

“That's what Makoto says. But it's rude to me to have to pretend. And I think I care more about me more than I do anyone else.”

Sousuke doesn't need to be a genius to see where this is going. “Except for Makoto.”

“Except for Makoto.” 

They lapse into silence as Nemo is flushed down the toilet. Another symbol of poetic justice. One dentist’s dead fish is a father’s missing son. Truly cinematic art at it's finest. 

_So Haru puts up with Makoto’s self-sacrificing bullshit and his nice to a fault ways because the pros outweigh the cons and he's happy when Makoto is happy and holy shit he played me!_

Sousuke stares accusingly at the side of Haru’s head. The bastard doesn't even try to hide his smirk. And he can tell it's a smirk because one corner of his mouth—the one he can see—is quirked just higher than it would be had he been smiling. Underneath his betrayal is a sense that he's maybe spent too much time with Haru if he's able to distinguish between minute changes in his facial structure. 

“You're a sly one, Nanase. I didn't expect you to play therapist. I'm both impressed and appalled.” 

“Pass the pretzels.” 

Haru still hasn't looked at him, but he knows Sousuke is listening. 

 

 

Sousuke stumbles into his empty apartment at one in the morning on what used to be October 31st. He reeks of pumpkin guts and there's fake blood caked into his hair. Halloween on campus is a lot more… _involved_ than what he's used to. He leaves his clothes in a pile outside the bathroom and burns his skin with hot water as he tries to wash the day away. 

Earlier, Rin had whined about no on celebrating what was arguably the best holiday, and sent him pictures of his boring looking dorm where his roommate, Lyall, had been flipping off the camera. He was a funny guy, even if he dyed his blond hair different colors every other month. But not this month apparently, hence the whining. 

Half an hour later Sousuke sits on his bed in his boxers, laptop on his dresser and a bag of stale popcorn in his lap. The opening title screen of _**Killer Zombie Cheerleaders**_ illuminates the otherwise dark room. On a whim, he takes a picture of his laptop and sends it to Rin, biting his lip when he remembers to calculate the time difference. Then he shrugs off the guilt and goes for broke. 

 

**Sent! (13:45)** Everyone knows the ghoul kids don't watch scary movies till after midnight

 

He stares at the text, laughs a little, then sets his phone aside and goes to hunt down a decent snack. He returns with two cans of cola and a significantly fresher bag of popcorn. The lights are off, the door is closed, and it's time to get lost in the world of human pyramids and megaphone flame throwers. 

The phone buzzes beside him. 

 

**Rin (13:50)** the only scary thing here is that pun. 

**Rin (13:53)** hang on i gotta set up my laptop 

 

Sousuke cracks open a can and sips slowly, moaning at the cold, sweet taste of caffeine and sugar. Why did he decide to eat healthy again? The gym meant nothing if he could have stuff like this literally whenever he wanted to. 

 

**Rin (13:57)** we hit play right when the clock changes to zeros

**Sent! (13:58)** I thought they didn't celebrate Halloween in Australia?

**Rin (13:59)** they do now 

 

Sousuke shakes his head in disbelief, but follows Rin’s instructions. As soon as the clock ticks over he hits the spacebar, then settles back for ninety minutes of the best, most underrated movie of his generation. 

Twenty minutes in he gets a series of texts from Rin. The first is a picture of the main character, Julie, as she's leading her team through cheer practice. 

 

**Rin (14:23)** i could totally pull off that skirt 

**Rin (14:23)** my hips are incredible 

**Rin (14:24)** my legs too of course 

 

Sousuke purses his lips in thought, watches Julie backflip off the human pyramid and into the arms of her basketball player boyfriend, Rick. The skirt is white with dark purple trim. He can definitely see Rin wearing that. 

 

**Sent! (14:29)** as long as I'm the one taking it off you 

**Rin (14:31)** who says id take it off?

 

Sousuke contemplates the pros and cons of sexting at two/four in the morning, but his decision is made for him when the basketball team starts to turn into brain eating monsters. The movie is kicking off, and he'd never forgive himself if he ruins the tradition now. 

 

**Sent! (14:45)** Let’s revisit that when there's less body parts on screen 

**Rin (14:46)** kaaaay!

 

It's nothing at all like their first date. Sousuke can't put his arm around Rin or steal his soda, can't play with his hand or link their ankles in the aisle. Sitting here alone in his bed, watching his favorite movie on his shitty laptop, he realizes just how not fun it is being at odds with Rin. It actually fucking sucks. 

University was nothing at all what he expected. He was learning so many new things, not just about his classes, but about himself. He liked to ice skate, he _hated_ pumpkin spice, under the influence of several coffees he could shit out a ten page paper in under three hours. He wanted to play piano someday, maybe, and binge watching anime was a lot easier to do if he hid his textbooks. But most importantly, Sousuke has learned how to be alone. 

He had friends of course, Haru and Makoto, too, and the boys back in Iwatobi. But he came home to an empty apartment, cooked, cleaned and went shopping by himself. Most days he woke up ready to tackle the world, and on the days that he didn't, he trudged along until he could wallow again. But he did it all by himself. And that felt...well not great exactly, but pretty okay. It meant that he could be his own person. 

So maybe it was alright that he cried in closets and said mean things when he was upset. Because now, Rin fought right back. Sousuke no longer felt like he had to catch up to him. Rin wasn't some elusive dream anymore. He was harsh reality, and they were running side by side as equals. Now _that_ was good. 

 

**Sent! (15:31)** Skype tomorrow? 

**Rin (15:40)** yea. pants?

**Sent! (15:41)** No. 

**Rin (15:41)** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

Sousuke has just finished shutting down his laptop and clearing away the snacks when it hits him. He wasn't expecting it, had been so preoccupied with the fight and the awkwardness and the learning how to be his own person that it completely slipped his mind. He wonders if Rin remembered, then feels awful because it's now six in the morning in Australia and his boyfriend is just now going to sleep after watching a movie with him. He falls into bed with a huff and tries to pour out all of his affection in a too simple text. 

 

**Sent! (16:00)** Happy one year anniversary Rin. 

 

Rin doesn't respond to his text, which is for the best, since it means he's getting some well earned sleep. Later though, during their Skype call, he gives Sousuke one hell of an anniversary present. 

 

 

Tachibana Makoto was probably the easiest person to shop for. For one thing, he would pretend to love an awful gift just to make said gift giver happy, so, technically, anything would work. But he wore his heart on his sleeve, so finding out what he liked wasn't really that much of a chore. It boiled down to a few simple things: 

His family  
Nanase Haruka  
Chocolate  
Cats  
Nagisa

Since wrapping up the tiny co-captain wasn't an option—Rei needs to learn not to be so selfish—that plan was out. And Ren and Ran would win the adorable contest by giving Makoto something homemade. Either that or they'd kill him by hugging too tight when he goes home to visit, in which case nobody would win. So ‘Family’ was vetoed as well. And the Tachibana household was already filled with adopted stray kittens, so there went that idea. Which leaves them with only one thing. 

“Cover yourself in chocolate and let him lick it off.”

It's a testament to how far they've come when Haru only looks _mildly_ annoyed at Sousuke’s suggestion. They're at an out of the way coffee house, at least twenty minutes from the ones around campus, because Haru is a self conscious hipster who requires chairs with maximum squishiness. Sousuke, with his gingerbread cookies and coffee, finds it amusing. If being friends with the dolphin king was always this entertaining he would've befriended him ages ago. 

“Is Rin coming home for Christmas?” Haru changes the subject, taking a sip from his mug, using both hands like a grandmother would. It's endearing in a strange way. 

“Dunno,” Sousuke says with his mouth full. “Last time I asked he was still talking it over with his coach. I sent his present to Gou so she can ship it with hers if he can't make it.” 

“Why not send it yourself?”

“Do you know how expensive stamps are? If I hadn't already paid rent I'd be eating a styrofoam cup instead of these cookies.” 

Sousuke takes a bite of said cookie and sinks deeper into his chair. Snow has started falling on and off for a few days now. He knows it's not likely to stick until December really hits, but he likes watching it fall down, slanted when the wind blows hard, like fuzzy rain in the afternoon. It makes him feel cozy, here in this hipster coffee shop with Haru, who's wearing the orca sweater Sousuke got him for his birthday. 

“What did you get him?” Haru asks before licking away his hot chocolate mustache. 

“A set of stud earrings in the Samezuka colors.” Rin had gotten his ear pierced on a dare, just one, and Sousuke figured something simple was probably best. And he had a backup if he lost one. “Stop changing the subject. I'm supposed to be helping you find a gift. What are the others getting Makoto?” 

Haru heaves a long suffering sigh. “Rei got him loafers. Nagisa found an orca onesie. And Gou got him a pen and pencil set with Neko Atsume characters.” 

“Shit, really? I just got him a bookstore gift card.” Makoto liked to read, right? Maybe he should save the card for Rei. 

Sousuke’s phone rattles on the table in between them and Haru stares at it like he's personally offended. He's too spoiled by Makoto, used to having undivided attention. He's gonna learn something right now. 

 

**Rin (2:13)** where r u? I wanna see ur dumb face 

**Sent! (2:14)** The dolphin king is having a gift crisis. 

**Rin (2:14)** makoto right? body chocolate?

**Sent! (2:16)** That's what I said! He turned it down. For now. 

**Rin: (2:16)** hm. when r u home? its cold without pants. 

**Sent! (2:17)** It's Summer in Australia. 

**Sent! (2:17)** Leaving now. 

 

Sousuke starts gathering his stuff, adding in a jaunty whistle as Haru tries to melt him with his gaze. It isn't very effective, but it would be rude to crush his dreams like that. 

“Just do what you always do and get him something sappy. Find a childhood memory or something and go from there.” Haru perks up a bit, seeming to like that idea. Sousuke nicks one of his peppermint sticks before he jets out, tossing a wave over his shoulder as jingly bells announce his departure. 

 

 

_I miss you._

Sousuke isn't sure he says the words out loud. The silence in his apartment is so loud, even the hum of the refrigerator has gone quiet. Rin sleepily stares back at him, snuggled up under the covers. Faint snoring can be heard on his end, and the poor guy looks miserable. Sousuke can relate. He tries to speak again, can't, and mouths the words instead. His tongue is too dry to talk this late, since they've been talking all day. 

The phone in Sousuke’s hand is on its last leg, ten percent left, and he could cry. Maybe he does actually, because Rin gives him a sad smile and brings his own phone closer to his face. Sousuke wants to kiss him, remembers that he can't, and more tears slip over his nose and onto his pillow. 

Christmas was yesterday, and Sousuke spent it alone. Figuratively. He was passed from house to house all day; his own parents, Gou and Mrs. Matsuoka, then he was ambushed by Momo and Ai who had arrived with Rei and Nagisa. They all hung out in Makoto’s apartment, but again it only reminded Sousuke of the important person lacking from the group. 

“My phone is dying,” Sousuke croaks, and Rin laughs hard. It's a release of tension, but hearing something other than his frustrated crying is a blessing. 

“Charge it,” Rin whispers. “And call me when you wake up. First thing.” He tries to smile, but Sousuke can see that he's two seconds away from crumbling like a dry sandcastle. 

“I love you,” Sousuke murmurs, biting down on the inside of his cheek. He has never felt this empty, has never felt so hopeless and angry and hurt and lonely. 

His phone loses power before Rin can say it back. 

 

 

January begins without Rin at his side, and Sousuke wonders how long he has to go until he can no longer force a smile on his face.

>*<

Rin never thought much about age. People just got older, and while there were certain milestones, like hitting double digits or being able to vote and drink, everything else was pretty lackluster. But for some reason, Nineteen seems like a big deal. Not so much because of the number itself, but rather, what happens after.

The day of his birthday he packs, in between texting all of his friends. But mostly Sousuke. He has to reluctantly decline his offer of a birthday video chat. He's too busy trying not to shit himself with how nervous he is. Everything he's worked for this past year could fall to pieces, but there's a part of him that just doesn't care. Misery has taken up the spot by his side, and that's not worth anything. Not if he can change it. 

 

 

Three days and three hours after Rin turns nineteen, he has a full on meltdown at practice. Somewhat staged, although the tears are real. After beating his times from the past two months, he hops out of the pool, stalks towards his coach, and screams. It's all Japanese too, no stilted, clumsy, English. No matter how long he practices he’ll never get the accent right. So he doesn't even try, waves his arms and cries and speaks so fast he almost doesn't know what he's saying himself. 

With him throughout it all is Lyall. They've reversed this several times since New Years, and he plays his part perfectly. He acts as a ‘translator’, pretending to know exactly what Rin is saying. When Rin stops jabbing his finger in their coach’s face, Lyall steps forward. 

“You didn't allow him to visit home with his times so bad, Coach,” Lyall says slowly, polite but firm. “Rin wishes to make up for lost time, seeing as he just easily bested the scores you were unhappy with.” 

Rin murmurs something in his ear, his expression morphing from enraged to depressed. Lyall nods. 

“Clearly his poor performance was due to emotional distress. Aren't you always telling us how mental health is just as important as the physical?” 

People are staring now, the ones who were privileged enough to get time off to see their families. Murmurs echo around the gym, and Rin tries not to smirk. If this swimming thing doesn't work out, he could totally go into acting. 

 

 

Four days after that he's fuming in the airport, angrily tearing apart a stale cinnamon roll as shaky fingers scroll through the playlists on his phone. He's desperate for something more filling, but the plane has been delayed for thirty minutes, and he's certain that the second he leaves, everyone will start boarding without him. He hears from a passing couple that a sudden snowstorm in Japan had thrown everything off course. Snow! They didn't get that in Sydney, but it never seemed like a big deal until now. 

_And I can't talk to Sousuke because it's ten o'clock on a Monday. Well eight o'clock back home._

His boyfriend would be in his marine biology class now, with his lab partner who he only refers to as Nemo. Some kind of inside joke that Rin never bothered to ask about. The big idiot had acted all jealous about Lyall, but here he was giving people nicknames and going on trips around the city and branching out a lot better than Rin had given him credit for. 

He was happy for him of course, but still felt out of touch. At least when they were separated the first time they had the same goal in mind. Now they were forging their own paths. Different paths with an ocean in between them. Would Sousuke even want to see him after his hopes for a Christmas visit were crushed into salt crystals? What if he was still angry at Rin and didn't actually want to see him now? 

A soft ding interrupts his thoughts.

 

**Sou (10:12)** Class was canceled! Returning to my bed.

**Sou (10:12)** Call me later? 

**Sou (10:13)** I wanna hear your stupid voice 

 

Rin smiles just as his plane is called to board. Even when they weren't together physically, Sousuke had a way of knowing just when he was needed most. Take that Haru! Can Makoto do that? (Most likely, yeah, but shut up). 

 

**Sent! (10:15)** ill see if I can fit u in my schedule 

**Sou (10:15)** Playing hard to get only makes me want you more. 

**Sent! (10:15)** i know ;) 

 

 

The next nine hours are a blur. Rin sleeps in fits sandwiched between an arguing couple, and he's suddenly grateful that he and Sousuke have never traveled together. That's at least a three year relationship journey, and he's willing to wait patiently for their chance to passive-aggressively share magazines across a stranger’s lap. 

_I should've just swam back home. I'd be less tempted to parachute out of the plane._

Rin didn't have trouble flying, but he hates sitting still for so long. He likes being in motion: swimming, running… _other_ physical activities that are done with boyfriends. Being trapped in a metal tube soaring above the ground was not his idea of fun. But he was doing this for Sousuke, for himself. 

So he conquers the hurdles that block his path. 

 

 

Rin bursts into tears when he sees his mother and Gou waiting for him, and he's full on sobbing during the cab ride home. He hasn't seen his family in _so long_ , and all the little things he used to take for granted suddenly feel all that more significant. His sister singing in the shower, the random photos his mother used to send when she went for walks, the weekly Sunday night dinners. All of those things that used to just _be_ are now just memories. 

So he cries, and when they get home he sleeps. Rin spends almost three days in this weird, tired/sad coma-like state, eating whatever is put in front of him. His body and mind need time to adjust, to catch up to his heart that always ran ahead without warning. He spends long hours half hidden in Gou’s lap, trying to explain his heartache and homesickness in a way that justifies his impulsiveness. 

His mother isn't buying it, never had. But she strokes his hair and only scolds him a little before sighing in the way that signifies she's no longer upset. 

“I'm not going with you when you tell your father,” she says eventually, a cup of tea in hand. “I always knew that restless soul of yours came from his side of the family.” 

 

 

Rin had spent the second half of the plane ride planning out what he would say to his father once he got home. Long, well thought out explanations. An answer for every rash decision. But as he stands on top of that hill, hands caressing the worn stone, the words that fall from his lips are stupidly simple. 

“I love him.” 

A heavy silence is his answer. Rin imagines his father staring back at him, tall and wise in the ways that he remembers, but aged like his mother is in the present. Changed by the cycles of the moon and the way of the tide. Changed like Rin had been the very first day he met the man he came back for. Rin likes to think that his father understands, because he always had, even after the scent of his cologne had faded with the memory of his laugh. 

He knows that's not the only reason. He misses his home, his family and friends, the overwhelming sense of comfort that had fallen over him the second the plane touched down. Rin’s dream had always been to carry on for his father, for the man who had traded fame and glory for a small fishing town and a family that loved him. His dream was to be the best, but being miserable was never part of the plan. Late nights spent looking through photos and old text conversations, of clutching at his chest to keep his insides from spilling out. If achieving his goals means doing it alone, then maybe it's time to find something new. 

When Rin cries now, in front of his father for the first time in some long years, he isn't upset. He isn't tired or frustrated or scared or regretful. For the first time in almost a year, he knows exactly who he is, what he is, and where he wants to be. 

 

 

Haru isn't particularly pleased to be summoned early in the morning on February fourteenth. He doesn't like wandering around stores for hours, staring at countless, meaningless trinkets in the impossible quest to find the perfect gift. By the time he's returned to Makoto’s waiting arms and numerous questions, he very much wishes that Rin was still an ocean away. 

“Thank you, Haru.” Rin hugs him in the doorway, arms shaking and voice wobbly. “You’re still here, and I can't tell you how much that means to me.” 

Haru waits until he can't feel Makoto’s knowing gaze on his back, and then he's hugging Rin so tightly he thinks his ribs will crack. 

Things are so _different_ without Rin around. The annoying kind of different that you forget about until you start looking for it, only to find it gone. He doesn’t like it, hadn't liked it when they were small, hates it even more now that they mean something to each other again. 

Haru pushes him away and glares as hard as he can, eyes glistening and bright. Rin grins back, face slick and hair a mess. They stand there, taking in the old and the new, and only when Haru feels absolutely certain that his friend won't disappear like smoke, he lets him go. 

“Stop stalling.” Behind him Makoto squeaks, no doubt ready to berate him for not giving Rin time to prepare. 

“He left the Australian swim team in seven days flat. And he got snot on my shirt.” 

Rin barks a laugh then flips him off, more tears being squeezed out by the force of his smile. He doesn't deny the accusation though, and after making a ruckus in Haru’s bathroom, he makes the short trip downstairs and spends no less than twenty minutes Freaking Out. 

Haru’s words ring in his ears. He _left the Australian swim team in seven days_. One week. That has got to be the craziest thing he's ever done. And the most reckless. And the most stupid. There was no guarantee that his plan would work, that he could just cause a scene, leave, and be welcomed back with open arms. 

There was no reason for Sousuke to still want him. 

 

**Sou (6:23)** Where are you? You promised to call. 

**Sou (6:23)** I’m so bored. Hw is boring. 

**Sou (6:25)** I miss you. I miss hearing you. 

**Sou (6:28)** If you don't call me in the next two minutes I'm sending Sonic memes again. 

 

Rin glares down at his phone, more annoyed at being proven wrong so quickly than he is about the memes. His boyfriend doesn’t even know that only a thin piece of wood separates them, and he still somehow managed to make him weak in the knees with his mushy garbage. What an asshole. 

 

**Sent! (6:31)** but im the clingy one. ok

**Sou (6:31)** I’ll cling all over you. Now CALL ME

**Sent! (6:32)** hmmmm….nah! 

 

Rin is shaking so hard he has to hold his phone with both hands. He could call Sousuke and keep up the charade. He could text Haru and have him come up with an excuse so Sousuke would open his door. He could fly back to Australia, apologize for running out, and live out his days as a pool boy. 

His phone rings. Loudly and obnoxiously, because his ringtone is his favorite song and he ignores calls specifically to listen to it. A fact that Sousuke hates so much that whenever it lasts longer than five seconds, he searches for it until he can answer it himself, just to get it to stop. 

That's how Sousuke finds him again, standing in the hallway staring at his phone like a startled owl, overnight bag at his feet, exploded heart lodged somewhere between his lungs and his stomach.

>*<

The seconds tick by the longer Sousuke stares at the boy in front of him, but for once his mind has taken control away from his heart. He makes no move to step forward, partially to keep his wits about him, but mostly because his knees are weaker than warm butter and if he breathes wrong he'll fall over.

“What are you doing here?” His voice comes out harsher than he means it to. Rin stares back at him, utterly lost, looking like a stray in his old jeans. Sousuke wants nothing more than to reach out and touch him, to make this dream a reality. But he's too afraid of being wrong. 

Rin opens and closes his mouth, a hundred possible ways to answer that question. None of what he's used before now seems right, too simple or diluted to express everything he feels in this moment. Elation, terror, anxiety, uncertainty. He feels like he doesn't know the man in front of him, not like he did a year ago. Sousuke is different now. _Rin_ is different now. He's relearned how to live on his own, how to motivate himself without his friends and family around to catch him if he slips. He can hail a cab with just a whistle, cook breakfast without burning down the kitchen. He knows what it feels like to be without his best friend, his rival, his drive. 

And he never wants to feel that way again. 

“I'm not letting anything stand in my way.” 

Rin takes a step forward. Sousuke stumbles back. They don't break eye contact. 

“What do you mean?” Sousuke looks like a rabbit that's been caught in a fox’s line of sight. His eyes are wide, his stance rigid, and he only moves when Rin does, tiny steps backwards into his apartment. 

“I just spent the last year all by myself.” Rin shuts the door behind him, locks it. “I ate nothing but grilled cheese made in a toaster for a week because the housing arrangements got mixed up.” He kicks off his shoes, then pulls off his socks, all the while advancing towards his very confused boyfriend. Sousuke is in a pair of loose jogging pants and _nothing else_ , and Rin feels overdressed. 

“I’m tired of having to choose between the future and _right now_.” His shirt is whipped off almost violently, flung in the general direction of the kitchen. After the belt is gone Rin’s pants start sliding downward, and Sousuke’s hands twitch at his sides.

“We..” Sousuke takes a deep breath, feels a wall at his back. Rin doesn't stop moving. “We should really talk before–”

“How long has it been since I’ve touched you?” 

“Eleven months, twenty-five days, six hours.” 

Rin smirks, like the automatic response is exactly what he wanted. “Almost a damn _year_. Do you really want to waste time by talking?” 

They reach for each other at the same time, Sousuke with his arms around Rin’s back, and Rin’s at his shoulders. He stands on his toes to gain an inch or so, and his warm breath flutters over Sousuke’s cheek as he whispers in his ear.

“I missed you so much, _Sou~su~ke.”_

Rin presses a feather light kiss to his cheek, so soft it's almost like air, and Sousuke breaks. 

Reunion kisses are meant to be soft, slow affairs. A conversation in every breath, every little sigh and slight smile against lips. A union of past and present and everything in between. Theirs is nothing like that. 

Sousuke bites Rin’s lip so hard he feels the skin break open beneath his teeth. Harsh fingers curl into his hair and pull him down into a kiss that steals the air from his lungs. It isn't sweet or gentle or even kind. It's the hot taste of desperation and need, the overwhelming sensation of _need you_ and _hurry_. Sousuke gets his thigh between Rin’s legs and doesn't even wait for him to move, just hauls him closer until those fingers start clawing at his back. 

“Bed,” Rin gasps, rolling his hips while attempting to walk backwards. Sousuke follows, eventually breaking contact in order to transverse the hallway a little bit faster. By the time they reach his messy, darkened room, the remainder of Rin’s clothes have disappeared, along with his patience. 

“Lube?” Rin absently rubs his own hip with his thumb, and Sousuke takes his time to fully admire the man he's missed so much. Rin’s shoulders are broader, filled out from practice. Thick cords of muscle wrap around his arms and legs, in a way that they hadn't last March. He could’ve gotten taller, too, but maybe that's just because Sousuke drops to his knees in front of him. 

Rin tries to protest, even after sitting on the bed. “Sou, you can't. I'm barely hanging on as it is.” Still, he runs his fingers through Sousuke’s hair and parts his legs when large, warm hands coax them open. 

“Do you know how many times I've pictured this?” Sousuke lifts one of Rin’s legs and sets it on his shoulder, moving in as close as possible. He kisses the soft skin of Rin’s inner thigh, teeth nipping and biting without a hint of remorse. “The first few nights after you left were hell. Sleeping alone was one thing, but not having you in my mouth when I needed –”

“Shut up!” Rin yanks on his hair, face tinted that cute shade of pink Sousuke loves. “If I'm still talking then you're doing something wrong.” Regaining a bit of his confidence, Rin takes his cock in hand and rubs the head against Sousuke’s lips. They both moan, anticipation at finally reuniting changing into a more productive kind of energy. 

“Now, show me how much you missed me.” 

Sousuke has a witty retort on the tip of his tongue, but it's replaced by a salty, bitter taste that he's learned to almost crave. He sucks on the head of Rin’s cock until he builds up enough spit to help guide him down the rest of the shaft. He's sloppy with it, lips loose and jaw relaxed. Rin’s hips rise to get himself deeper, and Sousuke swallows him down like he was born to do it. 

“H-how the fuck?” Rin hisses, heel digging into Sousuke’s back when the other finally _sucks_ , cheeks hollow as he starts bobbing his head, uncaring of the spit and precum on his chin. “You couldn't– _ahhh_ –do that last time.” 

No, he couldn't. Last time Sousuke tried something like this, he couldn't take Rin past the middle of his tongue. But a lonely year, an unsupervised budget, and a lot of ice pops did wonders for his for oral skills. 

Sousuke forces himself to keep his eyes open. He knows Rin is close because those long, nimble fingers keep him at bay, only allowing Sousuke to lap at the tip of his flushed cock. He indulges him for a minute, but he started this with a goal in mind, and he intends to get there. Sousuke pulls back far enough to get a good look at Rin. He's pink from the tips of his ears to his chest, and his hips twitch with every little sound Sousuke makes. He reached up and removes the hand curled into his hair, laces their fingers together instead. 

“Sousuke,” Rin sighs, wrapping his leg more securely across his back. He doesn't say anything more, only moans as Sousuke works him over. God, he's missed this so much. Being taken apart so slowly, carefully, only to be reassembled later. Rin isn't worried about missing pieces, because Sousuke is here. He's here he's here he's “ _O-oh_!”

Sousuke shapes his tongue to the underside of Rin’s dick as he takes him deep, not stopping until the head bumps against the back of his throat. Rin holds his breath, fingers twisting into the bedsheets. He squeezes Sousuke’s hand every time the other man swallows around him, and by the time he realizes what's happening, he's already lost it. 

“You,” Rin glares down at the man between his leg, the look made less threatening by his heaving chest, “are a fucking cheater.” 

He hauls Sousuke up by his hair and kisses him hard, pushing his tongue past his teeth, licking away whatever Sousuke hasn’t swallowed yet. It's wet and dirty and just what Rin wants. Sousuke too, since he doesn't even notice the hand down his pants until Rin squeezes the base of his shaft. 

“Now who's cheating?” He breathes, bucking up into Rin’s hand while he nuzzles into his neck.

Rin is ruthless, swirling his thumb around the head while his other hand pushes the sweats down to his thigh. From then on it's game over. Sousuke barely lasts two minutes, and when Rin thumbs at the slit while squeezing his balls, Sousuke bits his shoulder to muffle his surprisingly loud moan. 

They're quiet as they recover, sharing soft kisses in the meantime. Sousuke has missed this so much, has missed _Rin_ so much. 

Sousuke arranges them into a better position, lying down properly with their legs overlapping. Rin plays with his hair, looking for all the world like he's discovered paradise. Sousuke kisses him once, twice, moving lower each time. Nothing fast or hard, just soft, calm kisses that make his boyfriend sigh and giggle. 

“Feel better?” Sousuke asks, lips somewhere by Rin’s collarbone. He gets a hum as a response. “Gonna tell me why you're here?” He tips his head back, catching Rin’s pout before it's replaced by a hand shoved in his face. 

“I told you why I'm here.” Rin tries to sit up, regret crawling up his spine. “Should I not be here?” If he didn't belong in Sousuke’s world anymore, where was he meant to go?

A familiar hand cups his cheek, and s gentle thumb wipes away the tears Rin hadn't noticed were falling. Sousuke draws him in close and kisses his forehead, lingering. Rin curls into his heat, wedging his arm in between the bed and Sousuke’s hip. 

“I've missed you more than you can imagine,” Sousuke murmurs, nuzzling Rin’s temple. “When I saw you standing there I thought I was dreaming.” A soft smile lights up his face, and Rin finds himself returning it. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too.” Rin tilts his chin up and bites at Sousuke’s cheek. He slips one of his thighs between Sousuke’s and shuffles closer until their chests are pressed together. “Don't get mad, okay?” 

“Okay.” 

Rin chews his lip, nervous, until Sousuke gently coaxes him to stop with a thumb on his mouth. Rin takes a deep breath. 

“I staged a meltdown at practice and got my coach to give me vacation time to make up for Christmas.”

Rin anxiously watches for Sousuke’s reaction, growing more fearful as the silence stretches on. Sousuke wears an unreadable, far off expression, staring at something on the wall, or maybe even through it. It's like waiting for the main character in a horror movie to discover the dead body in their kitchen. 

“Sousuke?” Rin hates how his voice cracks. His boyfriend blinks a few time, awareness coming back to those pretty eyes that Rin has missed so much. They watch him, burrowing deep down into his soul and taking whatever it is that Sousuke wants. A kiss as soft as a butterfly wing lands on the tip of Rin’s nose, and Sousuke smiles so warmly it might as well be summer. 

Then he's rolling out of their embrace, almost falling on the floor in his haste to root through his bedside drawer. 

“Sou?” Rin sits up, startled by the sudden movement. “Wha–mmph!” He's cut off by a frantic kiss, which is almost immediately broken by Sousuke, who tries to maneuver them while also prevent Rin from moving. It's very counterproductive. 

“You staged”—kiss—”a meltdown”—kiss—”for vacation time.” Rin manages to keep Sousuke away for about twenty seconds, just long enough to push his back to the wall and crawl into his lap. There's a bottle of lube within reach, but Sousuke ignores it for now. Rin, a little confused but in no real hurry, arches an eyebrow. 

“I–yeah. You're not upset?” 

Sousuke laughs. Like, full on head thrown back, eyes clenched shut laughing. Rin wonders if he's been away too long, and his once sane boyfriend has transformed into whatever this current form is. Sousuke—or his replacement—presses a smiling kiss to his cheek, more teeth than anything. 

“I'm not upset.” His shoulders still shake, and Rin tweaks his nose to get him to calm down. “I'm not upset, I'm _happy_.”

“You are?” Now both of Rin’s brows are raised. 

“Not about you leaving, that was insane, and if I have to throw you across the ocean to get your ass back in that pool, I will.” Sousuke gently bonks his forehead against his, strong arms wrapping around him. “But staging a freak out, which probably took lots of planning, is such a _Rin_ thing to do.” 

A Rin thing? What the hell did that mean. “You're so dramatic sometimes,” Sousuke sighs happily. “I'm glad that part of you hasn't changed.”

“...Did you just call me extra?”

Sousuke laughs again, softer this time, and brings Rin closer. He feels a very warm, very happy part of his boyfriend’s body nestle against his ass, and he wiggles his hips just to see Sousuke’s happy smile get a little sharper around the edges. 

“If extra means you've always been too much for me to handle, then yes. And I love that.” 

Damn this cute bastard. 

Rin winds his arms around Sousuke’s neck and kisses the smile from his lips, grinding his length against the warm, hard muscle of Sousuke’s abdomen. He doesn't know how to politely suggest that they save all the talking for later, but he doesn't need to in the end. A firm hand presses down on the middle of his back, and Rin pushes his hips out more, legs spread wider over Sousuke’s lap. 

Warm, slick fingers rub against him, almost teasing, but the expression on Sousuke’s face is filled with wonder. 

“What?” Rin asks, cheek resting in the crook of Sousuke’s neck. The first finger that slides into him feels unnaturally big. The contrast between the size of their fingers makes him regret not investing in a toy like Kisumi had suggested. He's impatient, but Sousuke always liked to take his time, liked to take care of him. 

“Missed this,” Sousuke murmurs, curling his finger, pushing in a little deeper. Rin always got nice and pliant when he opens him up, sweet and unapologetically clingy. He needs that now after so many months apart, needs that intimacy that only the two of them have shared. He works in another, pausing whenever Rin isn't completely relaxed. He works slow, knows that even if he says he wants more, Rin likes matching his pace, too. 

“I'm sorry about the fight.” The words are pressed into his collarbone, hot and damp. “I know you can make friends. I was just upset that I wasn't one of them.” Such a silly thing to worry about considering their current position, but Rin knows all too well what being replaced feels like. 

Sousuke kisses his forehead, his temple, the scattering of freckles by his left eye. All the while his fingers move, stretching Rin open, brushing against that spot that makes him shake. God, he needs this so badly. 

“You're my _best friend_ , Rin.” Sousuke’s fingers move fast, pressing down hard as he wiggles his wrist back and forth. Rin stutters out a gasp, exposing his throat when his head tips back. Sousuke sucks on whatever flesh he can get between his teeth. 

“T-that's enough,” Rin pleads, reaching back to stop Sousuke’s hand. “That's enough, I’m good. Get in me.” 

Sousuke doesn't have a lot of say in the matter. Rin rises up on his knees and reaches behind himself to steady Sousuke’s shaft. Large hands grip his waist in a panic, and Rin swats them away as he grabs for the lube. He gets more of it on the sheets than his hand, and receives a pinch to the nipples when he squeezes just a little too hard at the base. 

He gives Sousuke an impatient glare as he wipes his sticky hand on his chest. “There, all lubed up. Should I check the weather and make sure the sun is at it's highest peak while I'm at it?” 

Sousuke rolls his eyes. “Would you look at the time? It's ‘I don't want to hurt you o'clock’.”

“And it's also ‘I’m not a flower’ degrees outside. With a high chance of ‘fuck me now before I get so– _ahh_.” 

All words leave Rin’s mind when he feels Sousuke pushing into him. He can't think, forgets to breathe until Sousuke bottoms out, until their thighs are flush together and the world falls silent. 

Eleven months, twenty-five days, six hours. 

Rin feels him deep inside, touching parts of him that had remained empty no matter how desperately he worked his own fingers, and something inside of him just crumbles. Rin crushes his mouth to Sousuke’s, muffling his sob against surprised lips. He moves his hips to get closer and cries out, searching for hands that are already wrapped around him. 

Sousuke gets his hands under Rin’s thighs and lifts him a little, just long enough to get his legs into a loose lotus-type potion. Then he's wrapping both arms around his back and hauling him as close as they can get, cutting off another moaning cry with his own desperate kiss. His heart beats too fast, his skin burns wherever they touch, and when Rin bounces in his lap—so reckless, no regard for his own safety—Sousuke chokes. 

“ _Fuck_! Rin, don't move–wait!” 

Rin doesn't wait, and after seeing the look in his eyes—dark, wide and desperate—Sousuke doesn't try to stop him. He holds Rin to his chest in an attempt to slow him at least, kisses him deep to settle his racing heart. Eager fingers tangle in his hair, give a few tugs on the longer than normal strands. Now that he's not swimming anymore, Sousuke doesn't need to keep his hair trimmed. While still short, resting just above his ears, it's a lot thicker than before, and Rin seems to like it. 

They ease into a rhythm once Sousuke— _uncross your legs, idiot Yamazaki!_ —plants his feet on the bed. His hips thrust up just as Rin sinks back down, sometimes slow and careful, sometimes fast and hard, each leaving them panting and breathless. Sousuke clumsily kisses Rin’s cheek, trying to get rid of lingering tears that might've alarmed him had he been with anyone else. Almost as if he's reading his mind, Rin grinds down _hard_ , those powerful hips moving in neat little figure eights. 

“It's your fault I’m like this,” Rin says against the corner of his mouth, licking the seam of Sousuke’s lips. Sousuke nips at his chin, getting his arms under Rin’s thighs. They maintain eye contact until Rin grows impatient with their lack of movement. He's on his back within seconds, his whine at being empty not even getting past his lips before Sousuke pushes into him again. 

“My fault?” Sousuke muses, hovering over him. Rin pulls him down by his hair, and Sousuke can't resist those soft, pink lips. “You're the one who stripped in my hallway and hypnotized me with those—those crimson orbs of yours.” Why the fuck were those the words to come out of his mouth? 

Rin laughs so hard he snorts, eyes clenched shut with his head tipped back. “M-my _what_?” He can't stop giggling, tries to kiss Sousuke and ends up getting spit all over his mouth from an accidental raspberry. Every contraction in his stomach travels down the rest of his body, and Sousuke is caught in a vortex of pleasure and humiliation. 

“Don't laugh at me when I've got my dick in you,” Sousuke grumbles into his neck. He bites down for every giggle Rin can't suppress, eventually lifting himself up and sitting back on his legs. He pouts down at Rin and makes to pull out. 

“Nope!” Rin hooks his legs around his waist and draws him back in, kissing him for real when Sousuke hesitantly comes back down. “Don't be a grump.” He holds Sousuke’s face in his hands and bumps their noses together, smiling so fondly Sousuke feels himself melting. There's a laugh lingering on the corner of Rin’s mouth, and he kisses him there as they get back in synch. 

In all honestly, they were expecting some kind of volcanic build up, this eruption of emotions and passion. But what they get is even better. 

Sousuke can't stop saying Rin’s name, whispering and moaning like it's the only word he knows, the only one that matters. Every muscle is his body is taut, heat coiled low in his stomach. Rin reaches down between them and strokes himself in time with Sousuke’s hips. The image alone is enough to drag Sousuke right to the edge and keep him there. 

“I love you, Sousuke.” Rin shudders when he comes, the hand not curled around his length pulling Sousuke down to his level. And it's the sound of his name on those trembling lips, the taste of those words sliding down his throats along with soft moans, the pounding of another heart against his chest that sends Sousuke tumbling, his mind drowning with an overwhelming sense of _home home home home home_. 

They don't separate even after Sousuke pulls out, hands caressing sweaty faces, leg anchoring each other to the bed. Rin looks so happy, the fire behind his eyes softened to glowing embers. Sousuke feels that invisible hand squeezing around his heart again, preparing to tear it out once and for all and present it to its new owner. 

_It’s about time._

>*<

They eventually make it out of bed, but not without a lot of effort. The shower afterwards is an even worse set back to putting on clothes, and only after rubbing each other raw do they calm down. Rin raids Sousuke’s hamper until he finds a long sleeved shirt. It hangs down to his thighs,

“How tall are you now?”

“6’3.”

“Fuck.” 

It takes every ounce of willpower Rin has to not drag them back to the bedroom, though the looks Sousuke keeps giving him aren't helping. It's not his fault his boyfriend is a giant! The jerk shouldn't be so assuming. Just because Rin liked to wear his clothes when they were at Samezuka, and nuzzle his pillow when Sousuke left to shower, and just because Rin sniffs the collar of the shirt he's definitely stealing… it smells like sweat and Sousuke and _god_ why are they still standing upright. 

“Are you hinting at something?” Sousuke asks, amused, coming up behind him and wrapping his arms around his waist. Rin slumps against him, eyes closed when he turns to nuzzle into his clothed chest. 

“We should join a nudist colony,” he sighs, turning in Sousuke’s arms to slip his hands under the back of a simple white t-shirt. Whatever workout regime he was using had done wonders, and Rin can't stop himself from curving his palms to the thick muscles along his shoulder blades. 

Sousuke backs him up to the kitchen, grabbing water from the fridge and glasses from the cabinets while Rin feels him up. It's almost soothing aside from the occasional digging of nails into his skin. But then again he likes that too. 

“You want other people to see me naked?” The cold water on his tongue almost makes Sousuke moan, and for a moment he has to reevaluate his life. Rin is already done with his glass by the time he comes back into awareness. They _really_ need to stay hydrated if they're gonna be at this all day. 

“No, I do not.” Because a naked Sousuke should be something only Rin gets to see. “But I say we should ban clothing in your place for the remainder of my vacation.” 

That's a little more doable, but still a flawed plan. “Alright. But that means you can't wear my shirts.” 

The distraught look on Rin’s face is too adorable for words. Sousuke pours them both more water as he waits, leaning against the counter. Rin brings the collar back up to his nose, hiding the lower half of his face. 

“New plan. _You_ aren't allowed to wear clothes in the apartment.” He nods, satisfied. 

Sousuke thinks about it, looking down at himself. He doesn't want to rub his dick against the furniture, which will inevitably happen if he goes without clothes entirely. But if he keeps blankets nearby, he shouldn't be cold, not with Rin wrapped around him

“No shirt or pants, but the underwear stays.”

“Deal.”

They shake on it, completely professional. Then Rin almost takes his head off trying to remove his shirt. Eventually, they end up on the couch, which isn't the bedroom, so they count that as a win. 

 

 

Rin is almost positive he hasn't been to an aquarium since he was ten years old. He remembers bright colors and everything being so tall and a little scary. Now he just feels like a giant in a kiddie pool. 

“Did we really need a map?” Sousuke takes a break from jotting down notes to look at his boyfriend. Rin has the map filled with colorful, cartoonish pictures held out in front of him like they're jungle explorers on an expedition. His snapback could almost be a safari hat, minus the shark teeth. Putting the gift shop right by the entrance was a good tactic for this place. 

With so little time to spend together, making up for the year of lost dates becomes a job rather than an adventure. They started with movie night; ordering pizza, walking down to the convenience store and getting junk food that would give Rin’s coach a stroke. The ice cream they forgot to put away was already half melted when they stumbled upon it again, which lead to some very creative ideas. They went to bed wet and sticky, and woke up almost glued to each other. 

And now they're at an aquarium. Because even if Rin is on vacation, Sousuke is not, and he's got some assignment due in a few hours that requires him to take pictures and notes at the local aquarium. And Rin has said the word aquarium so many times now, it has lost all meaning. 

Aquarium. 

“Does this really count as a date if you're also here for school?” Not that Rin wasn't enjoying himself. His phone was filled with pictures of jellyfish that he planned on sending to Haru with the caption ‘ _Is this you?’_ , and if he smiles just right later on, he’ll be walking out of here with a giant shark plush. But he can't hold Sousuke’s hand while he's writing, and listening to little kids squeal in excitement is only uplifting the first fifty times, and he's starting to feel like the turtles lazily napping by the waterfall in their tank. 

“Depends,” Sousuke looks up from his notebook, lips quirked up in a little grin, “do messy blowjobs behind a tree count as a date?”

“We were having a picnic.” 

“Yet the only thing you ate was my—”

Rin knees him hard enough to make him stumble into a line of cardboard cutouts meant to look like different kinds of tropical fish. They go down like dominos. Kids scream, parents gasp, an old lady cackles maniacally in the corner. By the time staff rush in to see just what the hell is going on, Sousuke has launched into an impromptu tour of the room they're in, getting the wide eyed attention of all the little guppies, and the approval of their somewhat distraught parents. 

Sousuke is incredibly good with children, and something in Rin’s chest does a little happy dance when the man returns to his side, looking a little flustered. 

“Not bad,” Rin compliments, finally taking his hand as he leads him back to the entrance. “I didn't know you had such a wicked dolphin impression.” 

“I've had a great role model,” Sousuke says, completely straight faced. “I take it you want to plan the next date?” He glances over his shoulder, like he's expecting to be chased by angry staff members for ruining the display, even though he had fixed it almost immediately. 

Rin grins, squeezes his hands little. “Well since you offered so generously..” 

 

 

In hindsight, their current situation shouldn't be that surprising. Rin is friends with Haru and Makoto, who are dating. And he and Rin are dating. And he has absolutely no intentions of letting that man out of his sight, so being without him while he spends time with his friends— _their_ friends—is out of the question. So the obvious solution is a double date. Which is what normal people who are friends and dating do when they want to hang out. 

Sousuke just didn't realize how not normal the four of them are. 

For starters, when the waitress asks what they'd like to order, Haru points at Rin and says “Meat”, in the most robotic voice he can muster. Everyone at the table interprets this as Haru ordering for his friend, like Makoto had done for him after an uncomfortable amount of eye contact. But the poor waitress on the outside of their square of weirdness looks disturbed, and a little pissed off, like she's taking Haru’s words as a crude joke. 

“Steak, please,” Sousuke says as politely as he can, smiling charmingly. “And pork cutlets for me.” Once they're alone, Sousuke aims a swift kick at Haru. 

“Ouch!” Makoto jumps, looking confused and betrayed. “Why did you kick me?”

“Sorry, that was for–oi!” Sousuke glares at Rin as he rubs his ear. “Why?”

“Haru kicked me.”

“You guys!” Makoto looks very distressed, glancing around the half empty restaurant. No one went out on Wednesdays, apparently. “We’re going to get thrown out.” 

“No we’re not, stop freaking out so much.” 

Twenty minutes later they're waiting at a bus stop, smelling of sake and covered in various condiments. No one really knows how it happened, and they all adopt a silent code of not placing the blame on anyone. After showering and changing, they head back out to the ramen shop around the corner from Sousuke and Haru’s apartment. There's decidedly less chaos here, so clearly that other restaurant was cursed. 

“Hey, Makoto?” Rin asks once they're eating, pointing his chopsticks at the unsuspecting young man. “What did Haru get you for your birthday?”

Makoto chokes on his water and turns bright red. Haru looks a little smug. Sousuke raises an eyebrow at him and gets a nod in return. He reaches across the table for a high five. 

Rin blinks a few times, gazing at each of them in turn. 

“I'm not even gonna ask.” 

 

 

Flashing lights, smoke, music with a deep bass. Bright eyes, shaky hands, heaving breaths. Blood pounds to the beat of the next song, and Sousuke takes a deep breath, inhaling this moment, before letting it go. 

“Best five out of seven seven.” 

The last time Sousuke had been to the arcade with Rin, he was a little out of it. He doesn't remember much besides motorcycles and waking up with a huge headache. Now he's fully coherent and determined and getting his ass handed to him. 

Because Sousuke was a gentleman, he had allowed Rin to choose a game to play. And his Rin, the light of his life, walked right past the air hockey tables to the very back of the arcade where Sousuke’s worst enemy resides. Basketball. A ghostly image of Kisumi laughs maniacally in his mind. All those times he had refused to play with him have come back to bite him. How painfully poetic. 

“What's the matter, Yamazaki-kun?” Rin taunts, spinning a ball on his index finger. “C’mon, don't pout. Be a good boy and accept defeat.”

Sousuke’s breath hitches and he drops the ball he was preparing to shoot. He scrambles to pick it up and all but throws it at the hoop, eyes a little too wide, gaze moving too fast from one thing to another. 

“..No way.” 

“Shut up.”

“Are you serious?”

“ _Shut up_.” 

Rin stares at him in disbelief before the look is replaced with mischief. He advances slowly, backing Sousuke up against a forgotten pinball machine. Electronic blips and beeps sound distant now with all the blood rushing to his head, among other places. Sousuke reaches out to grab Rin’s shoulders, only to be stopped by a finger under his chin. 

“Do you want to be my good boy, Sousuke?” 

Fuck. 

In a panic, Sousuke grabs the bucket of tokens in Rin’s hand and dumps them onto the floor. He then steps sideways out of Rin’s dangerous, magnetic field, and walks away very quickly with no destination in mind, face as red as a cherry. 

After picking up the tokens, Rin follows after him with a little spring in his step. After all, he hadn't heard a _no_. 

 

 

Sleeping in is a luxury that Rin seldom indulges in and Sousuke often resists. There's only so many hours in the day, and there's too much to do to waste time sleeping. At least right now, when every second is precious and irreplaceable. Maybe when they're older, and life is calm and they have a steady foothold to stand on, they'll plan lazy Sundays and spend weekends in pajamas, being gross together as they refuse to leave the bed to shower. 

Today they go to the beach. 

It’s the asscrack of dawn, maybe a little bit after, and the sand is cool under Rin’s toes. Sousuke’s chest is at his back, and there's a soft blanket enveloping them both. The ocean is calm, lapping at the shore with gentle licks, and as the air around them begins to warm, they watch the world change colors. 

Above them, the sky bleeds purple-blue as nighttime is pushed outwards, chased away by the new morning. Replacing it is a long, lazy stretch of grey swirled with yellow and illusions of pink. The sun fades in from beneath the water's edge, rising steadily like bread in the oven, until it hangs in the soft golden-peach sky, dripping light that reflects on the ocean. 

Sousuke pulls the blanket in closer and rests his chin on top of Rin’s head. They've never done something like this before. Early morning runs and watching the world wake up through their dorm room blinds is a lot different from sunrises on the beach, but he finds that he doesn't regret not doing it before. Having this kind of view all the time would ruin the novelty. 

“Remind me again how I'm the ‘hopeless romantic’?” Rin tilts his head back so that they're watching each other. His grin is upside down, but that doesn't stop the butterflies from riding bumper cars in Sousuke’s stomach. He kisses the top of Rin’s nose, then the space between his eyes, and feels his heart stutter—actually fucking skip a beat—when Rin gives him that special unguarded smile, the one he remembers so vividly from their childhood. The one Sousuke felt only he could bring out, and so far hasn't been proven wrong. 

So maybe he was wrong before. There _are_ some views he wants to see all the time. 

 

 

Rin swore to hell and back that their last day together wouldn't be sad. Unlike last time, when his insecurities and fears had choked him the entire plane ride, he knew now that distance was only a technical matter. Sousuke’s love for him stretched across the entire ocean, and he hadn't been at all subtle about all of his own mushy feelings. On the days that Sousuke went to class—figuring things out for the new semester, he'd said—Rin could almost pretend that he was alone back in Australia. It wasn't pleasant, but he no longer felt jealous and miserable. 

They had spent the morning in Sano with Gou and Rin’s mother. Rin felt guilty about leaving before her graduation, but Gou shrugged it off, saying that he could watch the video and cry in private so he wouldn't embarrass her at the ceremony. Everyone got a good laugh after that, but when it was time to leave, the two embraced for a very long time. 

Then they popped over to Iwatobi, where the whole of the Samezuka swim team descended upon them with a vigor. AI looked ready to burst when he saw him, boldly wrapping himself around his former senpai, Momo hot on his heels. Sousuke got caught up in the fray, too, and the four ended up having lunch together. Sousuke recognized the restaurant; the one they had visited when all this really started, and couldn't hide his smile. Rin didn't ask, just smiled back and intertwined their fingers as he listened to Ai tell tales about the swim club. 

The train ride home was quiet. Sousuke held him close the entire time, an arm around his waist and his nose buried in his hair. Rin had almost fallen asleep he was so relaxed. He never wanted to separate, wanting to have this moment forever, but eventually the train came to a stop, and the world started turning again as they stepped out onto the platform. 

Now Rin stands in front of his fully packed suitcase, wondering how he can cram three more of Sousuke’s sweatshirts inside along with that pair of jeans that are stupid soft and fit him just wrong. Sousuke has taken to hiding his clothes after Rin accidentally revealed his plan to steal them. What an asshole. 

From the kitchen wafts in the smell of something spicy, because while he may be a clothes hiding jerk, Sousuke also enjoys spoiling him and making him feel bad because he can't reciprocate in the time he has left. Typical Sousuke behavior, always doing things to make him happy like a good, loving partner. 

“Maybe I'll take a cooking class and mail him stuff,” Rin muses to himself as he searches the bedroom for those jeans. “I'll write dirty messages on cookies and send them to his—ah!” Rin’s pinkie toe hits something hard, the pain making him hop around and hiss like a leaky garden hose. “Fucking ow!” 

“You okay?” Sousuke calls from the kitchen, sounding concerned but mostly amused. He's been in high spirits all day, a smile in his eyes when there wasn't one on his face. Considering Rin was leaving in just hours of time, that struck him as a bit odd. Was this his way of coping? 

“Your bed tried to kill me! I'm suing!” All he gets for his suffering is a muffled chuckle.

Rin wiggles his toes and winces, knowing if he doesn't do something now he’ll be limping all the way to his gate tomorrow. He searches through Sousuke’s bedside table, wondering if he still has muscle relaxing cream. He hasn't complained about his shoulder in the time they've been together, not even after the very, very bad attempt at wall sex a few days prior. But he had to have been sore afterwards. Rin is about to give up and search the bathroom when he comes across a stack of papers hidden in the very back of the drawer. 

It’s already been established that Sousuke sucked when it came to sharing important information, so as his boyfriend, best friend, and voice of reason, Rin has to be the one to rip off the bandage and snoop for the greater good. He unfolds the papers and starts from the middle, assuming that's how they were meant to be read. His eyes scan over the words, noticing that it's from Sousuke’s university. The second page, however, is not. 

No. Fucking. Way. 

In the kitchen, Sousuke has just finished their dinner when Rin comes flying in, arms flapping wildly like a demented bird. He's red in the face, looks extremely angry, and Sousuke has all of three seconds to list all possible reasons why his boyfriends would decide right here and now to murder him. Was he really that upset about stubbing his toe? 

_“You're coming to Australia?!”_

Oh. 

That's when he finally notices the papers clutched in Rin’s hands. He had been approved for the study abroad program three days after Rin’s arrival. He had been so caught up in, well, Rin, and had actually forgotten about it, having filed away all thoughts of the future for later. 

Apparently, later was now. 

“Surprise?” Sousuke lifts his hands in front of him like he's offering Rin a dessert, when in reality he's bracing himself for a fist. Or a foot. Maybe even some teeth. With Rin it's hard to tell which body part to look out for. 

Rin comes at him with a roar, grabbing the closest object—an oven mit—and beating him with it. Sousuke shields his face and laughs, Rin’s harsh words and threats made less intimidating by his smile and watery eyes. Dinner grows cold as they sit there on the kitchen floor, holding each other and making plans too big to carry. Everything would change now, yet everything would stay the same. It's confusing and wonderful and terrifying. No more tantrums or running from problems, no more sulking in the dark and regretting the past. It was time to embrace the future, such a scary thing to face alone. 

But that wasn't going to be a problem anymore.

>*<

Rin leaves for Australia the second week of March.

Sousuke’s flight is two weeks after that. 

Stepping out onto unfamiliar land is extremely jarring. Sousuke feels like an alien that landed on earth and is trying to decipher a language he's never even heard of. His English is basic at best, and everyone talks too quietly this morning, as if raising their voice above a whisper in public is forbidden. All he hears is murmured chatter, like a radio that's been left on two rooms away. It's giving him a headache and a strange sensation in his body skin to panic. He feels sick. 

“Oi! Sousuke!” 

Like a beacon of hope, Sousuke spots a familiar figure by the baggage claim, standing with his hands in the pockets of his favorite hoodie. Rin bites his lip and lifts his hand in a small wave, and like a moth Sousuke heads straight for him. Sousuke wants to do something cheesy and romantic, like pick Rin up and spin him around. But he isn't quite sure what time it is, so he’ll save the dramatics for later. 

“Looks like you made it to Australia after all.” Rin keeps looking around the airport at all the people, then back at Sousuke, like he can't believe these two things are mixing together. He doesn't stand still, shifting from leaning on his left foot to his right. Impatient to be alone. With Sousuke. 

“I guess I did.” Sousuke spies his bags cruising around the counter and grabs them before the area gets too crowded. Packing away his tiny apartment had been surreal, but he knew that the new tenant would take care of things until he returned. Makoto was a little _too_ happy about being in the same building as Haru, but the man had taken him the airport at four in the morning, so judging him would be disrespectful. 

Rin takes one of the bags and heads for the exit, Sousuke easily keeping pace. They don't speak, but steal little glances every few seconds, smiles growing wider the closer they get to the doors.

Walking out into the Australian sunshine feels like stepping into a new world. Cars and people and buildings he knows nothing about, so many new things to experience. Overwhelming and exhilarating all at once. He has no idea where he is or where he's going, and for the first time in his life, that thought doesn't scare him. In fact, he's probably the happiest he's ever been. 

“Alright then!” Sousuke hops in place—both feet leaving the ground—and grins brightly at Rin. 

Rin chuckles. “Alright what?” 

He stands in front of Sousuke, illuminated by bright light. He _glows_ , standing confident and tall in a place where he once felt hopeless. Rin has changed so much during his time here, and Sousuke wonders if it's just the new location that's giving him goosebumps. He reaches out and takes Rin’s hand, giving it a firm squeeze. He doesn't plan on letting go anytime soon. 

“Show me a sight I've never seen before.” 

He watches Rin’s eyes grow wide, then soften around the edges. A hand comes up to his cheek, and Sousuke doesn't think twice about leaning into the touch. They meet in the middle, foreheads pressed together as they watch each other.

Rivals, teammates, best friends, lovers. All the changes they've been through, and all the changes yet to come. From here on out, they'll face them together. 

“I promise you won't forget it.”

 

 

>*< (5 Years Later) >*<

It's late one night when the rain starts.

They're sitting across from each other in the middle of the living room, papers and books scattered around them, the heating in the apartment turned on to medium. It's cool outside, but not freezing. It's perfect cuddle weather, and Rin is about to suggest they take a break when Sousuke’s voice cuts through the silence. 

"Did you know that seahorses mate for life?”

The words are almost cheerful, settling over Rin like a light blanket. He's used to this by now, his boyfriend dropping random sea life facts like most people drop litter on the street. That's what happens when you date the curator of an aquarium. Or, two now, if Sousuke accepts the new job offer. 

“You might've mentioned it once or twice.” Rin raises a brow, meeting Sousuke’s innocent gaze head on. He can't help but smile, further ruining his fierce image. What would the world think if they saw Olympic champion Matsuoka Rin get all gooey over his boyfriend talking about the life cycle of a sea sponge? 

“I was just thinking that maybe we could give it a try. You know, becoming seahorse.” 

A loud clap of thunder sounds outside, followed by a flash of lightning. One second Rin is on the other side of the coffee table, the next he's in Sousuke’s lap, arms draped over his shoulders. Even as his heart races his smiles stays in place, teasing and not at all wobbling like he wants to laugh in glee. 

“Is that so?” 

“Mhmm. I think some method acting will help at work.” Sousuke looks all business, eyes trying not to cross as Rin leans in closer. His hands are a little less professional, sliding up the back of Rin’s shirt and pulling him closer. “What better way to explain seahorses than to become one? But since it's just acting, I'll only need one essential part to play it right.”

“And what part is that?” 

“The mating of course.” Rin nods solemnly, slowly running his fingers through dark hair. He tugs at the short ones in the back, watches Sousuke’s eyes flutter shut for just a second. He presses a kiss to his cheek, his next words sounding sympathetic. 

“But where are you going to find a mate on such short notice?” His actions, however, show Sousuke no kindness. Sharp teeth bite at the tendons in his neck, not hard enough to hurt, but frequent enough to sting. Sousuke wishes he wasn't turned on by this, like, a lot. 

Sousuke grunts, hands traveling south to Rin’s pants. Which aren't really pants but are in fact leopard print leggings. He doesn't know where they came from or how he got them. He doesn't ask about the other various animal print ones either, not after seeing him in them. He might even be guilty of buying a few. 

“Rin..” He turns his head, catches a soft earlobe between his teeth. “You wanna be a seahorse with me?” 

Quick hands swat at his chest, then linger to undo the buttons of his shirt. “Ask the right way, you freak!” Rin, despite his brashness, has a very telling misty quality to his eyes. Sousuke gathers up his hands and kisses his knuckles, maintaining eye contact. He doesn't stop until he sees a single tear roll down Rin’s cheek. 

“Will you marry me?” 

Somewhere in the kitchen a phone rings. Rin turns his head and _snarls_ in that general direction, startling Sousuke into a laughing fit so severe he has trouble catching his breath. Rin’s giggles join the fray, and soon they're in a pile on the floor, holding each other and pressing their smiles together in an awful attempt at kissing. 

Once they settle down, Sousuke presses his lips to Rin’s temple, a simple gesture he's taken to doing more and more these days. “So, was that a yes?” 

Rin tilts his head up and kisses the tip of Sousuke’s nose, fully resigned to his marshmallow status. “It's a maybe. But I'm topping tonight.” 

Sousuke barks a laugh, half rolling on top of Rin to pepper kisses all over his face. His heart feels full and heavy, like a sponge that's soaked up so much love it's dripping all over the floor. He really needs to come up with better analogies for these things. 

Sousuke smiles down at Rin, feeling that invisible squeezing again, but instead of pain, he feels relief. “I'll see your dick in my ass and raise you chocolate chip waffles for dinner. My treat.”

Rin smiles back at him, eyes glistening with unshed tears and the same unbelievable happiness that Sousuke feels drunk off of. He hasn't thought about it in years, his silly little dream of dating his best friend, because he no longer has to be asleep to live it. For once, his reality was exactly what he wished it would be. 

“Okay.” 

Sousuke used to think that his ultimate goal was getting Rin to love him back. But maybe he never really had to try. 

Maybe he had already won.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to everyone who read this, or even looked at it for five seconds. I'm pretty sure the style of the fic changed depending on when I wrote, and I think that's kind of cool. The writing changed as did Rin and Sousuke's relationship. 
> 
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> Anyway! I'm gonna rest my poor brain now. Come talk to me in my cave and shame, and make sure to follow Pandy if you haven't already. Until next time!
> 
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> [I hide here](http://majoringinsarcasm.tumblr.com/)


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